Chicken Run Zelda crossover
by Ginal
Summary: well here the first chapter is. Enjoy it please!!!! And review!!!
1. Default Chapter

For the past four or five months my friend Ginny and I (melgibsonrulz) have been constructing a crossover together. The topics are of course, Chicken Run and Zelda, Ocarina of time. If you have never payed Zelda before, which I doubt, it was first produced in 1995 by Nintendo64©. The plot is rather thick, however for all of you that want to learn, I will give you the main bits, even though you can basically follow our script without knowing anything about it. A young boy, Link, lives in a weird forest called the Kokiri forest, guarded by The Great Deku Tree. Link is the only one of the Kokiri that does not have a fairy Guardian. One day he is given one, and a task to free the Great Deku tree from a curse. As his adventures continue, he meets different species and friends. Well, that the beginning. There's a thing call the scared Triforce that holds ultimate power in Hyrule, the land which the Kokiri forest is placed on. A great Sorcerer, Ganndondorf wants to control the world, so of corse he wants the flipping triforce. So Link teams up with Princess Zelda to discover his destiny, fight evil monsters and save Hyrule! No, it has been brought to my attention that there are MANY pairings with the handsome, cute, strong. Link. Such as Zelda/Link (obvious) Link/Malon, Link/Ruto (he HAS got her engagement stone after all!!!) And even Saria/Link. Basically, EVERYONE loves Link. EVERYONE wants him. So the possibilities are endless.  
  
On a last note, I tended to think that Link was always 7 years old, then 14 once he gains the triforce. But it seems there are a lot of definitions, but 7, 8, and 10 years old happen to be the most popular. It really doesn't matter, just as long as you keep in mind that when he pulls the Master Sword out of the Stone of time, he ages seven years. So, that just about covers it. But I doubt you will be about to find any good explaining stories on the Zelda fan fiction because it's like searching for a miniscule needle in a haystack the size of the red sea. I really don't know why I'm explaining this because just about everyone knows it. Anyway, Ginny and I have made up a user name together, but only for shared projects. We put a lot of hard work and effort into these, so you had BETTER REVIEW!!!!!!!!! (Kidding)  
  
The forest chapter will be up as soon as Ginny emails it to me (I lost it! Aren't computers the damdest things?) 


	2. first scene

"Once upon a time, there was a boy born without a fairy..."  
  
Cast:  
  
Rocky as Link  
  
Fetcher as Mido  
  
Navi  
  
Deku Tree  
  
Ginger as Saria  
  
(The Deku tree's meadow)  
  
The great Deku tree (known as TGDT): Navi...Navi... I have not much time left, find the boy, the boy without a fairy....bring him to me...  
  
Navi: Yes Great Deku.  
  
(Navi fly's off, bumps into a few things then reaches the tree house... And  
  
Rocky's asleep inside.)  
  
Navi: Hello!  
  
*loud snore*  
  
Navi: Hey! Wake up! Can the fate of Hyrule really depend on such a lazy boy?  
  
Rocky: Huh? Wha? Damn mosquito! (sprays her with bug killer)  
  
Navi: HEY! I AM NOT A BUG!!! I'm a fairy!  
  
Rocky: Bug? Fairy? What's the difference?  
  
Navi: I don't bite you unless I want to! Plus I can turn you into a frog!  
  
Rocky: All right, all right, I'm up. (stares at Navi) so what's your name bug?  
  
Navi: I'm Navi. And you are?  
  
Rocky: Link. AKA Fairy boy, stupid and freaky kid without a fairy.  
  
Navi: Oh, well, erm, the great Deku tree has summoned you!  
  
Rocky:(sarcastic) Me? Really? Some giant talking weed has summoned me?  
  
Navi: Yes.  
  
Rocky: Well tell him I'm busy!  
  
(Navi glares, then waves her (invisible) hands. Little insects come out of  
  
them and strart biting Rocky)  
  
Rocky: GAHHHHHH!!!!!! BUGS!!!!!!!  
  
(Runs out of hut and chrashes into the ground)  
  
Narrator: Er... Rocky?  
  
Rocky: (Gace buried in ground) *angry noises*  
  
(Ginger skips over)  
  
Ginger: Hi Link! Whatcha doin?  
  
Rocky: Getting my beak stuck in the ground...  
  
Navi: (floats down) You should learn how to fly, it's so useful.  
  
Rocky: Yeah, as if I didn't look stupid enough in the elf get-up!  
  
Ginger: I was meaning to ask, why do you wander around in a dress anyways?  
  
Rocky: IT'S A TUNIC! All the Koriki boys wear them!  
  
Ginger: Whatever you say...::under her breath:: so a skirt!  
  
Rocky: Hey, guess what? The great Deku tree summoned me!!!!  
  
Ginger: Cool. You better go see him right away!  
  
(Rocky runs over to the entrance to the Deku tree's meadow and is stopped by  
  
Fetcher)  
  
Fetcher: Hey, Mr. No-fairy! Why do you want to go see the tree, beg him for a  
  
fairy! Hahaha! Mr. No-fairy!  
  
Rocky:(Sarcastic) Gee, that's an original nickname, did you think of it all  
  
by yourself? And I got me a fairy now! See? (grabs Navi and shows her to  
  
Fetcher)  
  
Fetcher: Well I'm not letting you through until you have a sword and shield  
  
at least!  
  
Rocky: Y'know, I could grab you and rip you to bits in one move.  
  
Fetcher: But ya won't. Humph, how is it you have become the favourite of not  
  
only Saria but the Great Deku tree as well?  
  
Rocky: Can I help it if I have a magnetic personality? So were do I get the  
  
sword and shield anyway?  
  
Fetcher: Well the shields sell for 40 rupees in the shop, but they don't sell  
  
swords! Haha!  
  
(As Rocky and navi walk away)  
  
Rocky: Did he seem a little... Insane to you?  
  
Navi: Yep. So shall we go get a sword which also happens to be a guarded  
  
Koriki secret?  
  
Rocky: What?  
  
Navi: Just follow me.  
  
(So they go find that hole you have to crawl through and end up in a maze  
  
thing with a boulder rolling around...)  
  
Rocky: So where's the sword?  
  
Navi: I guess you have to look for it in this maze and AIGH! WATCH OUT!!!  
  
Rocky: What? Don't tell me, some giant rock's rolling around and it's gonna  
  
sumsh me any second right?  
  
Navi: YEAH! MOVE! (flies into his dopy little hat.)  
  
Rocky: Come on Navi, the chances of that are.... (gets sumshed by  
  
boulder)...OW!!!!!! MY INCREDIBLY HANDSOME BODY!!!!  
  
Navi: (Pops out of hat) I told ya!  
  
(Rocky runs off and reaches the chest...)  
  
Rocky: Now let me think, I wonder what I'm supposed to do with this? (kicks  
  
it open.. You got an item music plays) Neat! I got a really, really pathetic  
  
little sword!  
  
Navi: Now you need a shield. Got forty rupees handy?  
  
Rocky:(Sarcastic) Yeah, I live in a tree with hardly any furniture and I wear  
  
a dopy little elf outfit. Sure I got money.  
  
Navi: Don't take that tone with me or I'll turn you into a little frog.  
  
Narrator: To make a long story short, Link wandered around till he got 40  
  
rupees and bought a shield. Then he goes to see that little git Mido again.  
  
Fetcher: Whatcha doin here Mr. Guy who until recently was known as Mr.  
  
No-fairy?  
  
Rocky: I got a sword and shield, now let me past before I slice your little  
  
head off and give it to the tennis-playing fairies.  
  
Tennis-playing faires: HOORAY!  
  
Fetcher: Fine! Go! But I'll still never accept you as a Koriki!  
  
Rocky: Big deal, you all wander around in elf outfits anyway!  
  
(Fetcher steps aside and Rocky wanders in)  
  
Rocky: Gee, I wonder why I needed a sword and Shield, do you see any monsters  
  
around here Navi?  
  
Navi: Not really.  
  
(Suddenly Deku baba thingy pops out of the ground and chomps at him)  
  
Rocky: (Leaps about four feet in the air) GAAHHHH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT????  
  
Navi: A deku baba. Whack it with your sword!! Quick! HEY!! LOOK!!! LISTEN!!!!  
  
Rocky: O-kaaay. (hits it with the sword and it dies!!) Cool! It left a stick!  
  
Navi: You can use the stick as a weapon!  
  
TGDT: HURRY UP NAVI!  
  
Navi: Oh, I hear the great deku tree calling us Link. Let us go...  
  
(So they walk into the meadow.)  
  
TGDT: Ahh Navi, verily thou hast brought me the boy without a fairy...  
  
Rocky: YO! I GOT ONE NOW! See? She's buzzing around you!  
  
Navi: Shut up! The tree speaks...(bows (invisible) head.)  
  
Deku: Link, thou's sleep has been restless, many nightmares have troubled  
  
thee, of a man, in black armour...  
  
Rocky: Actually it's usually a chick in black armour...  
  
Navi: MORE THAN WE NEEDED TO KNOW!!!  
  
TGDT: Anyway, those gifted individuals have felt this dream, for a great evil  
  
is spreading throughout the land... And as for me, A CURSE HAS BEEN PUT UPON  
  
ME!!!!!!  
  
Rocky: Er, what?  
  
Navi: In plain English he just said something bad is going to happen and you  
  
can sense it in your dreams, and he's been cursed.  
  
TGDT: Link! Ist thou brave enough to enter me, to break this curse and to set  
  
me free?  
  
Rocky: Wha?  
  
Navi: Sure we are!!  
  
TGDT: Then enter you must. GOOD LUCK LINK!  
  
(The tree opens his mouth)  
  
Rocky: I'm sorry, there must be a whole chunk of conversation there I just  
  
missed.  
  
Navi: You have to go inside the Deku tree and save his wooden hiney.  
  
Rocky: What? NO WAY! (pause) do I have to do this?  
  
Navi: (sighs) Only if you don't want to spend the rest of your life at the  
  
bottom of a pond, with all the other toads.  
  
Rocky: Frogs?  
  
Navi: If you prefer. Just go in or you'll wake up as some sort of amphibian.  
  
(And so they enter....)  
  
Rocky: Phew, how much garlic has this guy eaten in the last two hours?  
  
Navi: None actually.  
  
(Behind them a Deku baba is getting dangerously close)  
  
Deku Baba: Chomp chomp!  
  
Rocky: ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (leaps forty feet in the air)  
  
Deku baba: *confused look* chomp chomp?  
  
Rocky: Don't EVER sneak up on me!!!  
  
Deku Baba: chomple? *looks cute*  
  
Navi: Don't stand there having a conversation! Kill kill kill!!!  
  
(slices Deku baba to bits.)  
  
Rocky: Hey! It left a hart! That's...kinda gruesome.  
  
Navi: Never mind, come on! Climb that ladder!  
  
(a few minutes later)  
  
Rocky: Okay, so I've got a map, a compass, and a really dopy catapult. So  
  
what do I do now?  
  
Navi: Well you know how we're at the top now?  
  
Rocky: Yeah?  
  
Navi: Jump down there and you'll open a new room!  
  
Rocky: WHAT?! What do you think I am, crazy?  
  
Navi: Please? Pwetty pweelse? *puppy dog eyes*  
  
Rocky: I ain't going! Not ever! Never in a million years!  
  
Navi: Fine. (points behind him) look! A poster of Britney Spears topless!  
  
Rocky: (spins round) Where??? (falls down whilst yelling something)  
  
*magic poof*  
  
Ginny: What did he just yell?  
  
Navi: Sounded like "OH BUUUGGGGEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!"  
  
Ginny: Okay then.  
  
Navi: Are you all right?  
  
Rocky: MAJOR OW!  
  
Navi: I'll take that as a yes.  
  
Rocky: (looks around) Hey! Navi! There's cobwebs in here!  
  
Navi: What do you expect from a place infested with giant evil spiders?  
  
Rocky: GIANT EVIL SPIDERS????????????????????  
  
Navi: Yep.  
  
Rocky: Let me guess, I gotta kill them right?  
  
Navi: Right again elf-boy.  
  
Narrator: And so Link travelled around the Deku tree chopping lots of nasty  
  
spider thingies until he learned the secret of queen Ghoma and was ready to  
  
enter the *echoing voice* BOSS'S LAIR!  
  
Rocky: Somehow I think this is going to hurt, a lot.  
  
Ginny: Big deal, so long as Bill from props doesn't let the healing faires  
  
out we're fine.  
  
(Suddenly all the healing fairy's zoom past, with Bill chasing them)  
  
Ginny: Damn. Okay, Rocky, don't hurt yourself.  
  
Rocky: O-kay... (opens door)  
  
Narrator: Link and navi entered the *echoing voice* BOSS'S LAIR. But inside  
  
they found nothing, all they could hear was a scratching noise.  
  
Rocky: (Whispering) Okay, this is SO scary.  
  
Navi: If you don't mind I'm going to hide in your hat... *pops into dopy hat*  
  
Rocky: *starts looking around* Er... Hello? Mr. Boss?  
  
(Then he looks up)  
  
Rocky: A HUGE FREAKIN SPIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Passes out)  
  
Navi: What? What's going on? What's happening? (looks up) GREAT DAY IN THE  
  
MORNIN!!!!!!  
  
Rocky: (Coming round) I just had the worst dream with a giant spider and...  
  
OH MY GOD THERE IT IS!!!!!!!  
  
(Then the Spider jumps down and roars at them)  
  
BOSS: GIANT PARASITIC ARACHNID, QUEEN GHOMA  
  
Rocky: Hold up a minute! That thing is a GIRL?????  
  
Navi: It's a giant spider that can crush us in a second and you're focusing  
  
on that fact that it's a girl??? KILL IT!!! *dives into his dopy hat*  
  
Rocky: (sarcastic) Oh that's helpful Navi!  
  
(Giant thingy lays an egg)  
  
Rocky: What's that? Some kinda bomb???  
  
Navi: It's an egg.  
  
Rocky: Look, I've seen eggs, that ain't an egg. It's Blue and vibrating. Eggs  
  
don't do that.  
  
(Egg hatches, a wittle baby Ghoma pops out)  
  
Baby Ghoma: goo goo?  
  
Rocky: What did I say that sounded like "send in more spiders??"  
  
Baby Ghoma: Gaa goo! (runs over to Rocky and, starts cooing at him)  
  
Rocky: Errrrr, someone explain what's going on?  
  
Ginny: Awwww, it likes you!  
  
Fetcher: It thinks you're it's daddy!  
  
(All the cast xcept Rocky fall over laughing)  
  
Rocky: SHUT UP! (kicks baby Ghoma) Get lost kid, I don't wanna have to hurt  
  
you.  
  
Baby Ghoma: WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!  
  
Navi: Now you've done it!  
  
Rocky: Hey, you're my fairy, use some magic!  
  
Navi: Okay, would you prefer to be a frog or a newt?  
  
Baby Ghoma: WAAAAAAAA!!!!!!  
  
Rocky: (Grabs stupid baby ghoma and throws it across the set.) That's one  
  
problem dealt with, now were'd that Giant spider go? (aims catapult at its  
  
eyeball...Queen Ghoma comes crashing down to the ground)  
  
Navi: Now slash it's eye!!!  
  
(Rocky cuts Ghoma and she dies)  
  
Navi: Hey! You won!  
  
Rocky: Ewww.... Spider guts everywhere...  
  
Narrator: Link took the hart container and warped out of the Deku tree.  
  
(They are outside the great Deku tree, it's breathing slowly and painfully)  
  
TGDT: Link... Thou hast done well... But I was doomed from the start...  
  
Here.. Take the Koriki emerald... (the emerald drops from the sky and knocks  
  
Rocky.)  
  
Rocky: Owie...  
  
TGDK: Now... Navi... You must go with him. Link, go into Hyrule, there you  
  
will meet a princess of destiny...  
  
(He starts to talk about prophecies and junk.)  
  
Rocky: He sure can natter on for a guy who's about to die.  
  
Narrator: Link understood what the Deku tree had said, he was about to leave  
  
when...  
  
TGDT: Link... You must know, you did not have a fairy because... Your parents  
  
were Hylian.  
  
Rocky: Yeah, alrighty then, can I go now??  
  
TGDT: Sure. Send me a postcard!  
  
(As Rocky runs away Navi remains for a second)  
  
Navi: Goodbye great Deku, I'll always remember y-  
  
Rocky: Come on you stupid bug!  
  
Navi: Shut ya trap! I'm comin!  
  
End of scene 1 


	3. second scene

Scene no. 2  
  
Rocky as Link  
  
Ginger as Zelda, Malon and Saria  
  
Bunty as Impa  
  
Fetcher as Mido  
  
Navi as special guest appearance  
  
Mrs Tweedy as Gannondorf  
  
Nick as Big Brother  
  
Fowler as Talon  
  
Oliver as Ingo  
  
  
  
Deku Throne  
  
  
  
Navi: Link, we should go the Hyrule Castle!  
  
Rocky: Yeah yeah, what ever, just quit buzzing around my head!  
  
(Louie the fly walks on stage)  
  
Louie: I can help you with that Gov!  
  
(Starts tap dancing.)  
  
Louie: I ain't afraid of nothing. except for the man with the can of Molten!  
  
Super sonic boomer  
  
  
  
(Molten special insect spay, bring dem fly to the judgement day!)  
  
Louie: Ahhhhhh! It's the devil!  
  
Rocky: Hey, give me that!  
  
(Takes can and spays Navi until there isn't any thing left in the can.)  
  
Navi: Mmmmm, pine fresh!!!  
  
Rocky: Your supposed to die!  
  
Navi: You forget, I'm magic! (Evil laugh) *cough cough*  
  
Narrator: If you lot could please go on with the story! There's evil to conquer out there!!!  
  
Rocky: Fine  
  
Narrator: So Link's adventure continued, he walked out of the Deku tree throne space and bumped straight into Mido.  
  
Fetcher: Link what happened to the Deku tree? You killed it! You stupid F#$K!  
  
Rocky: Um, can I go past now?  
  
Fetcher: No, I'm never going to let you out! Ever!  
  
Rocky: Nuts to this!  
  
(Draws out sword and stabs Fetcher)  
  
Narrator: Rocky, that wasn't very nice! We needed him later in the story!  
  
Rocky: I though it was plastic!  
  
Narrator: No! It isn't!  
  
Rocky: Just get one of the magic fairies to heal him, I've got better things to do!  
  
Narrator: So Link crossed the Kokiri forest to the exit, taking a deep breath he went though.  
  
****  
  
(Exit bridge)  
  
(Rocky running very fast for a chicken)  
  
Rocky: Get the spiders away, bugs! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!  
  
(Ginger steps out of the shadows)  
  
Ginger: Urrgghh! I hate the damn green tunics!  
  
Rocky: Green suits you actually, you look sexy in it!  
  
Narrator: Ginger! The line is.  
  
Ginger: yes yes, I know!  
  
(Clears throat)  
  
Ginger: I knew you would leave us someday.I knew you would leave us someday Link, because you are different from me and my other friends.  
  
Narrator: Yeah, he scarred of bugs!  
  
(Whole cast start cracking up, even Fetcher who is being operated on)  
  
Ginger: Excuse me, can we please get this train wreck moving along?  
  
Narrator: Sure sure, everyone, concentrate.  
  
Ginger: But that's okay, because we'll always be friends forever!  
  
Rocky: (Looking very hurt) But. but I though you said you wanted to be more then friends, baby-doll?  
  
Ginger: I'm acting you dip stick!  
  
Rocky: Oh right.  
  
Ginger: Please take this ocarina Link. And take special care of it. Remember me whenever you play it, it has a special magic.  
  
(Rocky takes it and shoves it in his pocket.)  
  
Narrator: So he ran from his friend, trying to choke back tears.  
  
(Rocky falls down the bridge)  
  
Rocky: Little help?  
  
(Ginger loses it, she hurls him up, acquires super strength and throws him out of the bridge area. The crew begins to slowly back away.)  
  
Ginger (Now acting and whispering) don't forget me Link!  
  
(Rocky is lying on the grass, and has passed out)  
  
Narrator: Rocky? Rocky? Oh dear.  
  
  
  
************  
  
  
  
Hyrule field  
  
  
  
Navi: Now that we're out of there, off to the castle we go!  
  
(The owl appears and begins talking)  
  
Rocky: Die owl die!  
  
(Take out sling shot and hits owl)  
  
Owl: Waaaaaaaaack!  
  
(Frumps on the ground and doesn't move. Rocky steps on it as he walks by.)  
  
Narrator: Finally they reached Hyrule castle, Rocky walked across the bridge into.  
  
(Drawbridge collapses; Rocky surfaces the water gasping.)  
  
Narrator: Rocky, how much do you wiegh?  
  
Rocky: (Getting out and drying of) Not enough to collapse a bridge!  
  
Narrator: Bill from props strikes again!  
  
Rocky: (Draws out sword and holds it up) I'm afraid if it happens again I'll have to make him chop suey!  
  
Bunty: Chop suey is actually soup, it in fact has nothing to do with chopping!  
  
Rocky: Take her away, she's blocking my artistic ability!  
  
Narrator: Back to the story, Link walked into town market to meet the people.  
  
Hysterical woman: Ahhh! A thief, a thief stole my wallet!  
  
(Rocky is seen tucking something into his pockets)  
  
Rocky: What? Just because I'm the hero of time doesn't mean I can have a bad background life!  
  
Narrator: Aaaaaaaaany way, Rocky came across a beautiful girl singing in the market.  
  
Rocky: Feww, at least it's not Ginger, bring on the beautiful chick!  
  
(Malon turns to him to reveal she is Ginger, Rocky screams in shock.)  
  
Ginger: nice to see you again too!  
  
Rocky: How can you be Saria and Malon?  
  
Ginger: That's not half of it, I'm also some one else!  
  
Rocky: Why?  
  
Ginger: Not many people applied for the job, so I got a lot of roles!  
  
Narrator: Link talked to the girl.  
  
Ginger: You're a fairy boy aren't you?  
  
Rocky: Yeah.  
  
Ginger: My dad went to the castle to deliver some milk and he never came back to take me home!  
  
Rocky: I don't blame him either.  
  
Ginger: Are you going to see the princess? Hee hee!  
  
Rocky: Yeah sure and I'm also gonna have a good perv!  
  
Ginger: you wouldn't dare!  
  
*Magic poof*  
  
(Ginny appears)  
  
Ginny: Would you two shut up and act?  
  
(They both stop arguing and look at her)  
  
Rocky: Yes Ginny  
  
Ginger: Sorry to bother you.  
  
Ginny: That's better.  
  
(Ginny walks off strange, sits on comfortable chair and clicks her fingers. A snooty waiter appears and gives her a glass of soda.)  
  
Ginny: (Now putting her feet up on a foot stool) Ahhh, service.  
  
Castle Garden  
  
Navi: Link, watch out for the.  
  
Rocky: Guards?  
  
Navi: No! The owl!  
  
(Owl is swooping him and tried to land a dropping on his head)  
  
Rocky: I thought I killed you!  
  
Owl: It takes more then a measly slingshot to kill me! I AM INVINCABLE!!!  
  
Rocky: (Brings out Deku nut) Take that!  
  
(Owl is stunned, every now and then it's leg twitches)  
  
Rocky: Invincible eh?  
  
Navi: Watch out for the.  
  
Guard: Hault!  
  
Rocky: Oh crap!  
  
Navi: Run!  
  
(Rocky runs toward the castle with the guards chasing him. He spots a tele-a-porting leaf)  
  
Rocky: cool!  
  
Guard: Come back here you horny bastard! Princess Zelda is not a hooker!  
  
(He jumps on, and rides it like a skateboard. Eventually the guards give up.)  
  
Rocky: (Stopping at Fowler)  
  
Fowler: *SNORE SNORE SNORE*  
  
Rocky: Hey gramps wake up!  
  
Fowler: What What! I wasn't sleeping on the job; I was resting my eyes!  
  
Rocky: Yeah sure, look, do you think you could move so I can get in the castle?  
  
Fowler: Ungrateful Yank, I will not allow you to pass.  
  
(Rocky gets out sword)  
  
Rocky: Move!  
  
Fowler: Never!  
  
(Rocky charges)  
  
*poof*  
  
(Alice appears)  
  
Alice: Ginny! You're supposed to watch them!  
  
(Ginny is now eating cake)  
  
Ginny: Sorry!  
  
Alice: Rocky, I know Fowler is an old coot but put up with him. Fowler, I know Rocky is a yank but put up with him! Other wise you'll both have to answer to me!  
  
(They both cower and grab on to each other.)  
  
Alice: Gee, I didn't think I was that scary.  
  
Nick: Believe me, you are!  
  
Narrator: Rocky entered the castle, and with stealth and skill he crept past the guards.  
  
(Rocky is being chased, not by guards but by obsessed Rocky fans)  
  
Crazyfan1: Give us your autograph!  
  
Crazyfan3: We love you!  
  
Crazyfan2: We'll give you money!  
  
Rocky: HHHEEEEEELLLPPP!  
  
(Ginny and Alice bolck the off with vip guards)  
  
Rocky: Thanks gals! (Winks at them)  
  
Alice and Ginny: (romantic sigh)  
  
  
  
Zelda's Courtyard  
  
  
  
Rocky: Princess?  
  
(Zelda turns around, it's Ginger)  
  
Rocky: You again? How many roles do you have?  
  
Ginger: Only three.  
  
Rocky: Why this one?  
  
Ginger: As if I'm going to let any other girl hold your hand at the end! Ehem, Who are you? How did you get past the guards?  
  
Rocky: Well, I grabbed a leaf and they gave up, then I had to confront your father, I was threated by Alice and then I got chased by fans.  
  
Ginger: Your not supposed to say anything, you just stand there in awed silence of my beauty!  
  
Rocky: Fat chance.  
  
Ginger: You must be the fairy boy from my dream.  
  
(Ginger goes on very well telling about prophecies and the goddesses, the whole camera crew and Rocky start to nod off. Even the King and Mrs Tweedy are starting to yawn inside the palace.)  
  
Ginger: EXCUSE ME? (Takes out an air horn and it goes off and doesn't stop!)  
  
*WHAMP WHAMP WHAMP WHAMP WHAMP WHAMP WHAMP!!!*  
  
(Rocky takes the horn out of Ginger's hands and stomps on it until it breaks and the noise stops.)  
  
Nick: IS IT OVER YET?!!!  
  
Fetcher: WHAT?!!!  
  
Sissy little kid: (Tears start to come out of his eyes) T-That was a family heirloom!  
  
Rocky: (Holding up crumpled air horn) what kinda psycho family has an air horn heirloom?  
  
(Kid runs off crying.)  
  
Narrator: Thanks, that was my son!  
  
Rocky: That would explain a lot  
  
Narrator: Back to the story.  
  
Ginger: Link, take this letter. I am sure it will help you on your quest. You must find the two other sacred stones before it's too late! That man in there, take a look!  
  
(Rocky peers into the window, Mrs Tweedy sees him.)  
  
Mrs. Tweedy: Die rooster, die!!!  
  
(She smashes through the window and makes a grab for Rocky's throat. Ginger grabs his hand and drags him out of the courtyard.  
  
Ginger: (Still running) Heres by body guard Impa. She will help you find your way!  
  
(Bunty grabs Rocky arm and pulls him toward the market place.)  
  
  
  
Hyrule Field  
  
  
  
Bunty: Get out your Ocarina Link, I will teach you a song I used to sing to Zelda when she was a baby. It goes like this.  
  
(She plays Zelda Lullaby, Rocky surprisingly gets it right.)  
  
Bunty: Wonderful! Now do you see that Mountain? That is Death Mountain.  
  
Rocky: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: Wuss!  
  
Bunty: Shut up both of you! At the foot of the mountain is my home village, Kakiriko. Talk to the villages before you go up.  
  
(Rocky is shown walking up the stairs, Narrator comes out.)  
  
Narrator: Good work people. With a lot of editing I think we might actually be able to show that to the public.  
  
(Strange noises are coming from the storage room.)  
  
Ginger: Hey, where's Rocky?  
  
(Narrator opens the storage room door. Everyone gasps.)  
  
Ginger: ROCKY!!!  
  
Rocky: Wha?  
  
(Inside are Rocky and some girl, they've got their arms around each other and Rocky's comb is all messed up)  
  
(A pile of junk falls on the girl before any one can get a good look at her)  
  
Ginger: YOU CHEATING LITTLE $!@$@#%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rocky: Ginger? If you, then. what the hell is going on here?  
  
Ginger: Okay, who's the bimbo?  
  
(She throws the junk of only to find.)  
  
Ginger: Gingette?!!! How could you?  
  
Gingette: Did you really expect for me to do what you said? No one tells me what to do girl!!!  
  
Narrator: I think it's time you did some explaining, Ginger.  
  
Ginger: Okay, heres what happen. I'm getting Gingette to take some of my roles; three is too much for me to handle. She was supposed to stick to the deal, and NOT CHEAT on MY HUSBAND!!! THE PAYMENTS OFF TRAMP, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!  
  
Narrator: Somebody calm her down!  
  
(Rocky runs over and pull her away from the crowd.)  
  
(Alice turning to Ginny)  
  
Alice: Got any ideas for scene three yet?  
  
Ginny: Plenty!  
  
Narrator: Um. time for a break?  
  
(Everyone crowds out, knocking over everything in their way.)  
  
Ginger: (Crying) I though you could tell us apart by now!  
  
Rocky: Sorry doll.  
  
(He hugs her)  
  
Rocky: It was too much to hope for, you making out with me in the storage room.  
  
End of scene two 


	4. third scene

Scene 3  
  
Rocky as Link Ginger as Malon Navi Fowler as Talon Oliver as Ingo Nick as Big brother  
  
Lon-Lon ranch...  
  
  
  
Rocky: So this is Lon-Lon ranch?  
  
Navi: Yep. Hey, hear that?  
  
Rocky: What?  
  
Navi: It's that song that girl Malon was singing in the castle town!  
  
Rocky: Yeah that was SO annoying.  
  
Narrator: Link decided to explore so he walked into a nearby house...  
  
(Fowler is asleep with... Those weird Cuckoos running around him)  
  
Rocky: Hey, it's the old guy! Navi, turn him into a frog!  
  
Navi: Sorry I can only use my powers for good. So I can't help you.  
  
Rocky: Do you do anything other than fly in and out of my hat and give out useless advice?  
  
Navi: Well, I can do this. *Electrocutes Rocky*  
  
Rocky:.... Ouch....  
  
Fowler: *Eyes jerk open* What the??? What are you doing here yank????  
  
Rocky: Er... Ask the fairy.  
  
Navi: Er... Ask the elf-boy.  
  
Fowler: How about this, I chuck these super cuckoos into that crowd of regular ones, and you find them.  
  
Rocky: what's in it for me?  
  
Fowler: you'll see.  
  
Narrator: So Link completed Talon's task.  
  
Rocky: How am I supposed to do this? *Thinks* hang on, these things are just Hyrule chickens? (Clucks at the Nearest Cuckoo)  
  
Cuckoo: Buck buck buck? (Nods at Rocky and three super cuckoos waddle over to him)  
  
Rocky: Well that was easy.  
  
Fowler: Well-done yank.  
  
Rocky: Would you stop calling me that? I've got a name!  
  
Fowler: Yes, and it's stupid.  
  
Alice and Ginny: ARE YOU DISSIN ROCKY???? *Go all angry*  
  
Fowler: No, no, no, no my good ladies.  
  
Ginny: Good. Now behave.  
  
Fowler: *Sigh* Very well, now what should I give you as a prize, hmmm, would you like to marry Malon?  
  
Rocky: *Eyes pop out of head* HELL YEAH!  
  
Fowler: Well tough cheddar 'cause she's engaged to our farmhand Ingo!  
  
Rocky: WHAT???????  
  
Fowler: In the meantime, here's some Lon-Lon milk, it'll energise the crap outta you if you get tired.  
  
(Rocky runs out of that room and searches for Ingo... Oliver is playing Ingo, but instead of being insane he's an Adorable stable boy. Almost cuter than Rocky!)  
  
Rocky: Oi! You, farm-boy! Keep your paws off my chick, got that?  
  
Oliver: Uh, what?  
  
Rocky: The old git in there told me you're engaged to Malon!  
  
Oliver: What? Me? Nah, she's nice, but we're just friends. She's over there singing by the way.  
  
(Rocky runs over to Ginger who's singing that incredibly annoying song that Malon always sings...)  
  
Rocky: Hey, Ginge!  
  
Ginger: Huh? Oh, hi fairy boy.  
  
Rocky: What is that? My new nickname????  
  
Narrator: Apparently fairy boy.  
  
Rocky: I don't know which is worse, Fairy boy or Yank.  
  
Navi: I think fairy boy is.  
  
Rocky: Did I ask for your opinion?  
  
Ginger: Er... Anyway, do you like the song I'm singing fairy boy?  
  
Rocky: not really, it's annoying.  
  
Ginger: (Trying to ignore him) my mother wrote it. Oh, by the way, this horse is called Epona.  
  
Rocky: (Pats hose) hi horsy.  
  
Epona: *neighs*  
  
Rocky: Hey, I think she likes me! *Grin*  
  
Ginger: No, she just crapped all over your feet.  
  
(All cast but Rocky crack up laughing) Rocky: Note to self, never EVER act with animals.  
  
Ginger: Umm, it seems Epona is afraid of you fairy boy.  
  
Narrator: Link realised that if he wanted to make friends with Epona he would have to learn that song Malon was Singing...  
  
(Rocky gets out the Ocarina)  
  
Ginger: Are you going to play this song fairy boy? I'll teach it to you...  
  
*Sings annoying song*  
  
Rocky: Right, this shouldn't be too hard... *plays and gets it right except for 1 note* er... I can get this right... *Plays and it goes wrong again* er...(nervous laugh) I can do this... *yes, it goes wrong again.* Damnit! Its Only three notes for crying out loud!  
  
(Throws stupid ocarina on the floor and breaks it in half.)  
  
Narrator: Er... That ocarina was hand crafted by the forest fairies. It cost 100 rupees.  
  
Rocky: It's defective!  
  
Ginger: Or maybe YOU'RE defective...  
  
Narrator: You know, if you couldn't play it we could have used a recording...you'll have to pay for that.  
  
Rocky: What? Some fairies make a defective kazoo and I have to pay for it?  
  
Navi: Never mind, didn't Impa say we should go up death mountain?  
  
*Evil laughter from far away*  
  
Rocky: Were did that come from?  
  
Ginny: I didn't request any sound effects! Alice, did we request sound effects???  
  
Alice: Nope. Sound effects guy!  
  
Sound effects guy: Yo.  
  
Ginny: Did we request an evil laughter sound effect?  
  
Spund effects guy: How should I know? I've been on a coffee break since 1989. *Walks off*  
  
Alice: We have GOT to get better staff.  
  
Ginny: I'll call Disney. Maybe they'll lend us some guys for free.  
  
Ginger: So can we get on with the story?  
  
Alice: Yeah, go on then.  
  
Narrator: With Epona's song learnt Link made his way to Kakiriko village... But when he was just outside Kakiriko Village Navi spoke up...  
  
Navi: Shouldn't we tell Saria we're going to save Hyrule?  
  
Rocky: Aw come on! This is getting boring! I haven't killed anything for ages!  
  
Navi: Just do as I say fairy boy! Or I'll eat you!  
  
Rocky: Yeah right. Navi, you're the size of a light bulb, you couldn't even eat a squirrel.  
  
Navi: *angry fairy mumbling*  
  
Narrator: Just to make this faster, Link ran back to the forest...  
  
Rocky: It's great to be back isn't it Navi? The green grass, the melody of ocarina music in the air...  
  
Navi: The smell of gasoline as the other fairy kids make a bonfire of all your stuff...  
  
Rocky: Yeah... HEY! STOP THAT!!!  
  
Koriki kid1: Hey! It's that git who killed our tree!  
  
Koriki kid2: Let's get him!  
  
Fetcher: ATTACK!!!!!!!  
  
(Navi and Rocky run off as hundreds of angry Koriki throw vegetables at them)  
  
Rocky: It doesn't matter, the only stuff I have is my furniture and that's nailed to the floor. (Loudly) The rest of it I borrowed from Mido!!! ^_^  
  
Fetcher: Say what? (Stares at burning stuff) NOOOOOO!! That's my Teddy!!!!! STOP THE FIRE!!!! (Jumps into The flames and comes out holding a fuzzball) don't worry teddy, I won't let them hurt you...(looks at Koriki) Do You think this is my teddy?  
  
Koriki: Actually it looks more like a mouldy dead frog.  
  
Fetcher: WHAT????? MUMMY!!!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: Link got to the sacred forest meadow, sitting there was his only friend in the world...  
  
Ginger: (Playing ocarina)  
  
Rocky: Hey Ginge- I mean Saria!!  
  
Ginger: Oh, hello Link. *Giggles* what are you doing here?  
  
Rocky: The light bulb told me to tell you I'm gonna save Hyrule! How cool is that??  
  
Ginger: Oh really? Neat! *Giggle* I feel, this place will be very important to both of us one day. Will you play my Song with me?  
  
Rocky: Hey, why not?  
  
Narrator: You don't have an Ocarina remember? You destroyed it!  
  
Rocky: Oh well, get me another.  
  
*Magically, another one appears in his hand*  
  
Ginger: Follow the notes as I play!  
  
(They play Saria's song surprisingly well. Romantic duet actually, ah what the hell, one song can't hurt!)  
  
Ginger: {begins singing opera-like} if I weren't Kokiri  
  
I'd come with you today!  
  
But for now all I can do is give you this song...  
  
Link, forever best friends we'll be...  
  
[Rocky sniffles, and wipes a tear away from his eyes. Navi blows her nose on his hat]  
  
Ginger: [singing slowly] Maybe someday, I'll find a way to join you!  
  
And to help you on your quest, whatever it be!  
  
Maybe someday I can leave this forest!  
  
Maybe someday I'll leave this Koriki  
  
Bo-dy... be-hind..  
  
Rocky: [singing better than in the film] But Saria, remember me!  
  
Ginger: I will!  
  
Rocky: But Saria, they'll always tease!  
  
Ginger: I don't care!  
  
Rocky: But Saria, I may never return!  
  
Ginger: [holds up fist] You had better! Come... back... and... visit... me...  
  
Rocky: OK, OK, I will!  
  
Ginger: There's bound to be some changes.  
  
Some rules will likely bend!  
  
But no matter what happens  
  
I'll always be your friend!  
  
Rocky: I may travel near and far  
  
But no matter what I do  
  
Part of me will be left right behind  
  
And that part's here with you!  
  
(The song ends on a sad note)  
  
Ginger: When you play it you can talk to the forest spirits. Play it whenever you want hear my voice.  
  
Rocky: So you're a forest spirit?  
  
Ginger: No, but you can talk to me using that song.  
  
Rocky: But you said...  
  
Navi: Don't ask questions, it's too complicated.  
  
Narrator: So Link learned Saria's song and got his butt back to Kakiriko village pretty damn fast!  
  
Rocky: Can I go in now?  
  
Narrator: Yeah all right then.  
  
(He walks into Kakiriko village)  
  
Rocky: Why can I hear chicken clucking?  
  
Navi: They're cuckoo's not chickens  
  
Rocky: Fine. *Under breath* SO chickens!  
  
Crazy cuckoo lady: MY CUCCOS!! They've escaped!!!  
  
Rocky: That's sad. So where's Death Mountain?  
  
CCL: Please! Go catch my cuckoos! I'll reward you!  
  
Rocky: *sigh* Fine. But you owe me big.  
  
(He wanders off, ten seconds later her returns with all the Cuckoos following him)  
  
CCL: How did you do that???  
  
Rocky: Easy when you're a chicken, now how about the reward?  
  
CCL: Here, have an empty glass bottle!  
  
Rocky: WHAT?????? I got the blood pecked outta me for a crap glass bottle that's not even got Lon Lon milk in???????  
  
CCL: Call it a lesson in life. You never get anything good for being nice.  
  
Rocky: (Walks off mumbling angrily) Stupid chick.... Chicken farmers all insane... Stupid crap bottle...  
  
Navi: You shouldn't use language like that fairy-boy. You're meant to be ten until we get to the temple of time.  
  
Rocky: SAY WHAT?????? I wasn't told! Where are those directors????  
  
Ginny: *whistles innocently*  
  
Alice: *looks the other way*  
  
Rocky: *stalks over to the gate guard* Okay butt-head. I'm having a really bad day so just let me through now.  
  
Guard: You need the King's permission. The King doesn't want lowly poor people like you bothering the Gorons.  
  
Rocky: Who says? What if the Gorons are really lonely and insecure up there with no visitors? What if they really do want visitors, but because the King has put this cruel locked gate up, no one can come to visit them. [gasps] THEY'RE SLAVES ON THEIR OWN MOUNTAIN!  
  
Guard: No they're not.  
  
Rocky: Why can't common people go up there, huh? Is it some kind of government cover-up? Are there really any such THINGS as Gorons? Or are those just legends made up by the King to cover up his secret ATOMIC WEAPONS PLANT UP THERE?  
  
Guard: SHHH! Hey kid, shut up! What're ya trying' to do, start a revolution?  
  
Rocky: Maybe I am!  
  
Guard: No, no, no, please! Shut up!  
  
Rocky: Then let me through.  
  
Guard: Prove you have connection to the Royal Family!  
  
Rocky: I don't want to... Why don't you let me through anyway?  
  
Guard: No way! Go away and shut up about that cover-up stuff!  
  
Rocky: Why? Is it true?  
  
Guard: No!  
  
Rocky: Then why aren't common people allowed up there?  
  
Guard: Because... because... I can't tell you.  
  
Rocky: Come on. I see no real good reason to block off the mountain to everyone except people with a royal connection.  
  
Guard: There's a good reason. But I can't tell you what it is.  
  
Rocky: [screaming] THE KING IS HIDING SOMETHING FROM US! VIVA LA REVOLUTION! VIVA LA REVOLUTI-  
  
[The guard covers up his mouth]  
  
Guard: Quiet! You're going to start a riot!  
  
Rocky: HEY MAN! THIS GUARD'S GOT HIS HAND ON MY BUTT! THIS GUARD IS VIOLATING MY PERSONAL SPACE! HEY, CHECK OUT THIS GUARD WHO'S GRABBING A TEN-YEAR-OLD'S BUTT! SOMEONE HELP! THIS AUTHORITY FIGURE IS ABUSING HIS POSITION AND GRABBING MY BUTT!  
  
Guard: [immediately drops him] Shut up! Shut up!  
  
Villagers: [murmuring things like, "Hey, that's not right!" and "Hey yeah! Why can't we go up on the mountain?"]  
  
Rocky: I would open the gate now, if I were you.  
  
Guard: All right, all right... [Opens gate]  
  
Rocky: And tell me why commoners aren't allowed up there.  
  
Guard: Can't.  
  
Rocky: Aww... [Puts on sad puppy face]  
  
Guard: Kid, there's just some stuff that people can't tell other people for a good reason... [Puts his hand on Rocky's head.]  
  
[Rocky grabs the guard's wrist and starts wiggling all over, pretending like the guard is grabbing him by the head]  
  
Rocky: OW! STOP! YOU'RE HURTING ME! OW! OW! PLEASE, LET ME GO! WAAA!  
  
Guard: HEY! I did not touch you!  
  
Rocky: PLEASE MISTER! MOMMY ALWAYS TOLD ME NOT TO GO WITH STRANGERS! PLEASE! I SAID NO! DON'T TRY AND-  
  
Guard: All right! Scram! And don't let me catch you starting anymore revolutions!!!  
  
Rocky: Okay mister. *Just as he's about to go through the gate* VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!  
  
(He runs up the hill as fast as something with two legs can)  
  
Navi: Why'd go through all that when you could have shown him your letter from Zelda?  
  
Rocky: Do you have any idea how much people will pay to have Zelda's autograph?  
  
Navi: Oh. Right then.  
  
(They carry on up the mountain until...)  
  
Navi: Watch out!  
  
Rocky: MASSIVE SPIDER!!!!!!! *Hides behind Navi*  
  
Navi: Go on! Kill it! I'm right behind you!  
  
Rocky: No, no, no, no, ladies first!  
  
Navi: I ain't no stinkin lady!  
  
Spider: *gets bored and walks away.*  
  
Navi: Hey! Look! It's gone!  
  
Rocky: Well that's one way to get rid of *shudder* spiders.  
  
Narrator: After a while link reached a rock blocking the way to a cave, he decided to settle down for a bit, because he hadn't actually slept since the story started.  
  
(Rocky sits down on what he thinks is a rock)  
  
Rocky: Man, why did I let those chicks talk me into this?  
  
Rock: Because you're a big loser, and you're heavy.  
  
Rocky: Er.... Navi, did you hear this rock just speak?  
  
Navi: Yeah, why?  
  
Rocky: Thank god you heard it too, I thought I was going mad.  
  
Rock: GET YOUR BUTT OFF ME!!!! I'LL BITE!!!!!  
  
*Crunching sound*  
  
Rocky: (jumps fifty feet in the air) YEEEEEEEEOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rock: *unrolls, revealing itself to be a Goron* urrrrr, what a nasty flavour! *Takes out toothpaste and brush* that taste is gonna last till Christmas!  
  
Rocky: (landing butt-first on the ground* OW! Why the hell did ya bite me??? That was gross!  
  
Goron: No, that was vile! You shouldn't have sat on me you...HEY! YOU'RE A SOFT THING!!!  
  
Rocky: *backing away from the insane Goron* say what? What's a soft thing? It's not your definition of food is it???  
  
Goron: WOW!!! A REAL LIVE SOFT THING!!!  
  
Rocky: Navi... Why is that rock calling me a soft thing?  
  
Navi: I think it likes you.  
  
Goron: I'M SO HAPPY! NOW YOU'LL OPEN DONDOGO'S CAVERN AND WE CAN EAT AGAIN!  
  
Rocky: Navi, let's get out of here.  
  
Navi: All righty then!  
  
Narrator: And so Link and Navi ran like scared bunnies all the way to Goron city.  
  
Rocky: Thank...god...we...lost him...  
  
Navi: Hey! This is Goron City!  
  
Rocky: Well DUH!  
  
(The Duh echo's through the cave, suddenly all the Gorons stand up and run over)  
  
All Gorons: LOOK! IT'S A REAL LIVE SOFT THING!!!  
  
Rocky: Not this again.  
  
Goron: Where are you from soft thing?  
  
Rocky: A forest, and by the way, my name's Li-  
  
All Gorons: A forest? What's a forest? What's he talking about?  
  
Rocky: *sigh* Jeeze, how thick can ya get? A forest is a place where lots of trees and plants grow!  
  
All Gorons: Trees? Plants? What are they? Does he mean like our bomb flowers?  
  
Rocky: *another sigh* Look, just tell me were your Big brother or whatever he is lives!  
  
Goron: Hold it, we gotta tell you why we're all so hungry!  
  
Navi: Brace yourself, boring story at twelve o'clock.  
  
Gorons: A man in black armour! He came and sealed the entrance to our food source! He said we had to give him our spiritual stone if we wanted our food! Then our big brother, he went and locked himself away, and said he'd never give the spiritual stone, until the royal messenger arrived!  
  
Rocky: *yawn* Thanks for the exciting story, but I've got worlds to save, princesses to marry, that sort of thing...  
  
Gorons: But we need your help and...  
  
Rocky: Do I look like I care? Er, no!  
  
(He walks down to the doorway to Darunia's cave...)  
  
Navi: I think you have to prove you have a connection with the royal family to get in.  
  
Rocky: *sarcastic* Gee, I wonder how we solve this puzzle?  
  
Narrator: Link played Zelda's lullaby and the doorway opened. He entered and met the leader of the Gorons,  
  
Darunia, AKA Big Brother!  
  
Nick: Yo.  
  
Rocky: OO;;;; er.... You're... Not a Goron.  
  
Nick: Nope.  
  
Rocky: Er... Let me put it another way. You're a rat.  
  
Nick: (trying to get on with the script) I cannot believe the king has sent this LITTLE SHRIMP to me, is this an insult from my sworn brother the king??  
  
Rocky: Hey! I'm at least a big shrimp!  
  
Nick: I don't care!  
  
Rocky: Gee Nick, have you been eating too many rocks recently? You're really bad tempered!  
  
Nick: I'll tell you why I'm bad tempered shall I? Because our food supplies are down, we've had a poor crop of bomb flowers, plans for my arranged marriage to some chick in the desert aren't going well, I think I'm losing my hair, I'm starting to doubt that I'll ever have a son, we're out of Cheese and to top it all some arsehole from the desert wants our spiritual stone AKA the Gorons ruby and you more-than-likely want it too! Don't you!!!!??!?!?!?!  
  
Rocky: *backing up* Maybe I should leave...*whisper to Navi* this guy is obviously...  
  
Navi: Nuttier than a fruitcake?  
  
Rocky: Yeah, that'll do.  
  
Nick: If only I could hear some calming music, sort of.. Green... Tap-dancy... From somewhere beyond the mountain...*eyes go all glassy*  
  
Rocky: What? Like this? (Plays Saria's song)  
  
Nick: [eyes get very wide, develops a facial tic] WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
[A chorus of Ocarinas take up the background]  
  
[Nick begins what is now referred to as the legendary "Spastic Dance of Goron Joy", shaking it all over and screaming random interjections every once and a while. Navi and Rocky back up against the wall, screaming in terror]  
  
Rocky: WHAT'S HE DOING?!  
  
Navi: AAAAAGGH!  
  
Nick: WOOOO! YEAAAAAH! WOW! HOT! WHAT A HOT BEAT! WHOAAAAAAAAAA! YEAAAAAAAAAAAH! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
[The Chorus finished the song, and Nick is still shaking all over.]  
  
Nick: [out of his mind] I CAN'T- STOP- SHAKING! AGH! AH! AH! AH! [Shakes his boo-taay] WAAAAAAAAHA! AH! AH! AH... [One last giant shake] AHHHHHHH!  
  
[He looks at Rocky with a sort of drunken happiness plastered on his face]  
  
Nick: Wow... [Face turns blissful] HEYYY! WHAT A NICE TUNE! I heard it and all of a sudden I wanted to dance like CRAZY! AAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!  
  
Rocky: And believe me, you certainly did...  
  
Nick: I LIKE YOU, KID! You have GREAT SONGS! MWEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEEE! I am DARUNIA! Big Brother of the Gorons!  
  
Rocky: Er hi... I'm Link and this is my pet light bulb Navi...  
  
Nick: So what brings you all the way up to our mountains kid?  
  
Rocky: The princess wants me to get her the spiritual stone of fire. You DO have it right??  
  
Nick: Hmmm.... Tell you what, I'll give you the Gorons ruby...  
  
(Rocky and Navi Hi-five)  
  
Nick: IF! You go get rid of the Dodongo's in our cavern. Deal?  
  
Rocky: Er.. How about this, I play the nice song for you and you give me the stone? *Reaches for his ocarina*  
  
Navi: NO! *Whacks ocarina out of his hand*  
  
Nick: My mind is made up, go and save Dodongo's cavern Link, messenger of the royal family! Take this bracelet of power, so you can pick up bomb flowers!  
  
Rocky: *as he walks out* why do I get the feeling this is gonna hurt?  
  
Ginny: Don't worry, we have insurance on you.  
  
  
  
End of scene three! 


	5. forth scene

Scene 4  
  
Cast  
  
Rocky as Link  
  
Navi as Navi  
  
Gingette as little bitch that takes Rocky's call  
  
Nick as Big brother  
  
Ginger as Saria  
  
Slutty Girl as the Great Fairy  
  
Ginny and Alice as Directors/Producers and the two girls that saved Rocky  
  
  
  
Navi: Link! C'mon, we have to go to the Dongo's cavern!  
  
(Rocky is holding on to the signpost and not letting go.)  
  
Rocky: No way, do you think I hatched yesterday? There's fire- breathing beasts in there, and I ain't going!  
  
(Navi uses special power to pull him; he remains a firm grip.)  
  
Navi: C'mon you useless excuses for a life form! We promised Dratunia!  
  
Rocky: As if that psycho will remember, I bet if we go and see him now he'll just give to stone over right now.  
  
Navi: If you collect all three stones, I bet princess Zelda will be happy.  
  
Rocky: like, how happy?  
  
Navi: Well, she might even give you a kiss.  
  
Rocky: Whoooooooooooohoooooooooooo!!!  
  
  
  
Inside the cavern.  
  
  
  
Rocky: Well this is a short setback, there's a flipping wall in our way!  
  
Narrator: Don't you do Karate?  
  
Rocky: Oh yeah.  
  
(He pulls some moves and slams the wall down, brushed him self off and sets out)  
  
Navi: As you can see, there are a lot of lava pits, so watch where you stepping.  
  
Rocky: What lava pit? Where? (He steps on one and jumps)  
  
Rocky: Crist! That's painful!  
  
Narrator: Link explored the area, and ran into many enemies.  
  
Rocky: (Walking up to a Beamos) Hey, can you tell me how to get into the boss's room?  
  
(Beamos zaps him.)  
  
Rocky: what's with him?  
  
(Navi zaps him.)  
  
Rocky: what the HELL was that for?!!!  
  
Navi: Lack of concentration. Stay focused.  
  
Rocky: Whatever.  
  
(Rocky walks over to a door, it opens, and he comes face to face with lave pits and two fighting lizards.)  
  
Navi: Watch for the.  
  
Rocky: These guys are pushovers! They don't even have a shield!  
  
(He stabs each of them, they die and Navi looks at him with amazement.)  
  
Navi: How did you know how to.  
  
Rocky: Know you enemy, that's my saying!  
  
Navi: I'm impressed!  
  
Rocky: Don't be too impressed, I still have to figure you out.  
  
Navi: Oh well, your learning at least.  
  
Narrator: Link searched each room, and eventually he came across a stash of bombs.  
  
Rocky: Cool! Now I can blow things up!  
  
Navi: Yeah, and defeat the boss!  
  
Rocky: What? I have20 bombs here, each of them with your name on them!  
  
Navi: Watch it, I had baked beans for breakfast and I can do more than magic!  
  
(They are about to fight when a huge rumble is heard and the floor begins to shake.)  
  
Navi: It must be the dongo!  
  
Rocky: So? I have bombs!  
  
(He goes around bombing everything, until stage crew come on and take them away from him)  
  
Rocky: (acting like a stupid little kid) but their MY bombs!  
  
Stage crew: Not any more!  
  
(Rocky is left with a blue light on him, he looks sad and rejected)  
  
Rocky: (now sing slowly) Oh my bombs, where did they go? I need them so. If only I had exploded the stagehands, then we could be together again..  
  
Navi: (Shocks him) That is truly disturbing! Get on with the bloody game!  
  
(Rocky eventually finds the higher level and dumps the bombs in the eyes.)  
  
Rocky: Uh. wouldn't that kinda. blow it up?  
  
Navi: we're on a lower budget, being directed by two teenage girls, so those aren't real bombs!  
  
Rocky: shi. shoot!  
  
Narrator: Link walked through the door, to find a room where it would be obvious for him to complete a mind- scratching task.  
  
(Keeske is about to swoop him when he does a back swing and grabs the damn bat in his hand. He gives it a squeeze and it's eyes blow big, but it's still alive.)  
  
Rocky: Listen gasoline breath, get some of your scrawny mates to open this door or it'll be Ozzy Ozboure time for you!  
  
Keeske: *gasp* okay, fellas. *wheeze* open the door!  
  
(The door opens)  
  
Rocky: Thanks!  
  
Narrator: *sigh* after completing the hard task, Rocky finally made it to the bosses entrance.  
  
Rocky: NOW can I have my bombs back?  
  
Alice: Fine! Give him the bombs!  
  
Rocky: Yeeeppeee!  
  
(He falls down and comes face to face with the dongo. It blows fire near him)  
  
Rocky: *cough cough* Whoa, mate, lay off the garlic covered lizards!  
  
(It gives him a confused look, then tries to set him on fire again.)  
  
Rocky: Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My tail feathers are on fire!  
  
(Navi produces a bucket of water and puts the fire out, promptly to Dongo swallows Rocky.)  
  
Ginny and Alice: ROCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
(Runs onto stage and gets there own swords and shields; they eventually kill the dongo!)  
  
*Disgusting ripping noises from onside the Dongo*  
  
Rocky: (cutting out of its stomach!) I have seen things that will haunt me for the rest of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ginny: Rocky!  
  
Alice: You're all right!  
  
(The two giddy girls run over, but Ginger steps in and grabs him)  
  
Rocky: Ginge? You're not in this scene!  
  
Ginger: Oh Rocky you almost died!  
  
*** Apologies for the romantic mix up. I can't resist! ***  
  
(She pulls him into a kiss)  
  
Ginger: Ewww. you're covered in Dongo slime. oh well.  
  
Narrator: Err. are you two finished yet?  
  
(Ginny and Alice are fuming)  
  
Ginger: Just a second.  
  
(They are FINALLY finished, Ginny and Alice and just about ready to kill. someone.)  
  
Rocky: W-Wow. I never thought you'd be so. worried. about me.  
  
Ginger: Okay Rocky, I have to go now okay?  
  
*She gives him one last smooch before disappearing*  
  
Alice: Ginny, have you got the axe ready?  
  
Ginny: Yeah, here it is.  
  
Narrator: Eh. Rocky? Can we please continue this? Before the girls kill your wife?  
  
Rocky: Yeah, sure!  
  
(He walks into the holey blue light)  
  
  
  
Outside the cavern  
  
  
  
Rocky is lowered down; suddenly Nick comes down. on a bungie cord.  
  
Nick: (Still dangling) Uh, a little help?  
  
(Rocky cuts him free, he fall on the ground and gets up)  
  
Nick: Well done Link, you went into that cavern and dealt with those monsters like a man, just like me!  
  
(Rocky notices butterfly clips and pink bows tied in Nicks fur.)  
  
Rocky: Been having any wild parties lately?  
  
Nick: What now?!  
  
Rocky: Never mind, so like, could I please have the stone now?  
  
Nick: Here you are Link! Take this Gorons ruby!  
  
*The ruby appears, Rocky snatches it out of thin air and pockets it.*  
  
Rocky: Can we go now?  
  
Nick: Wait a minute, why don't you go and see the fairy atop of death mountain?  
  
Rocky: Wait a minute, if there are so many magical beings in this game, then why the heck am I the fool that has to run around like a manic collecting stones?  
  
Nick: Beats me. But go to her, and see will grant you a wonderful new power!  
  
Rocky: Hows about this, I play the wonderful pixie song again and you can climb to the top of the mountain and tell this wonderful fairy to give me the power from down here?  
  
Nick: Sorry, but you will have to seek her your self. now. what were you saying about that pixie song?  
  
Rocky: N-nothing! Look at the sun, it's time to go!  
  
(Gorons plonk from up above and all come running towards him)  
  
Goron: HEY! THE LITTLE SOFT THING SAVED US! LETS ALL REWARD HIM WITH A BIG GORON HUG THAT WILL SURLY CRUSH HIS INNERARDS!  
  
Rocky: Holey crap! Fly Navi fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
(Nearing the stretch that always seems to make the volcano erupt whenever you're passing it)  
  
  
  
*Rocky runs through* Navi: Hold on, you didn't get a Hylian shield did you?  
  
Rocky: what difference does it make?  
  
*Volcano erupts*  
  
Rocky: Ow Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow . etc  
  
Narrator: Link finally made it to the wall where he had to climb up, he climbed to the top only to find.  
  
Rocky: God damn it! I haven't got any bombs left!  
  
Navi: Maybe there's some in that big opening.  
  
Rocky: I don't like the look of that, it feels really hot!  
  
Navi: C'mon! We haven't got all day!  
  
(He walks in)  
  
Navi: Link! We can't stay in here for too long! It's too hot!  
  
Rocky: Now you tell me?  
  
Navi: Just find the bombs so we can get the hell out of here!  
  
(He searches for bombs around the rocks, he finds some)  
  
Rocky: How much time left?  
  
Navi: 00:10 seconds.  
  
Rocky: WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Navi: Run Forrest, Run!  
  
(He runs as fast as he can, at the exit it slows down)  
  
Rocky: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Etc.  
  
  
  
Outside the Volcano  
  
  
  
*BANG!*  
  
Rocky: Air! Sweet clean COOL air!  
  
Navi: Now.(pant) we can. see. the fairy.  
  
Rocky: In a sec, I need some sleep. zzzzzz  
  
(He sleeps through the night, and he looks so damn cute as well! ^_^)  
  
Narrator: Link woke up fresh and rested and went to go and see the great fairy  
  
Rocky: (Waking up) Man, why'd that freaky voice that comes from no where have to wake me up? I was having such a nice dream as well! C'mon Navi, time to see the fairy!  
  
(Navi is sleeping, making little snoring noises and her wings are fluttering every time she breathes out.)  
  
Navi: No, your too kind. well, I guess your right. I did do most of the work in getting. the stones. Link only. sat on his arse and complained while I. the great Navi. fought off the monsters. Rocky: Ehem, okay, I'll just go in by myself them?  
  
*He blows up to entrance and walks through*  
  
Rocky: Hey, nice pad, I mean you've got the mysterious reflections and everything. but a nice pad all the same!  
  
(He sees the ocarina signs)  
  
Rocky: Okay, this shouldn't be too hard.  
  
(Plays Zelda's song)  
  
Slutty Girl: Hello Link, I will grant you a magical power!  
  
Rocky: (Eyes pop out of head) Er. don't you think that vine outfit is a little. revealing?  
  
Slutty Girl: What, don't you like the way I dress?  
  
Rocky: Not really, I mean, like.  
  
Slutty girl: What?  
  
Rocky: You're a human, I'm a chicken. If you were a peacock maybe, or a species of bird, but your a human! Bare flesh causes no lust in my eyes  
  
Slutty Girl: (Turns to Alice and Ginny) I though you said that he would fall for me instantly? And then Ginger would get mad at him and they'd get a divorce and.  
  
(Ginger and Alice are making extreme signs for her to shut up)  
  
Rocky: Girls? Did you plan this?  
  
Ginny: Nah ah, why would you we do something like that? (Checks nails)  
  
Alice: (Whistling) Oh no Rocky, I'm happy for you and Ginger! (Muttering) Over my dead body.  
  
Rocky: Okay, whatever can you please give me the power?  
  
Slutty Girl: (Not pleased) Take the bloody magic spell, and get off of my property you worthless little fleabag!  
  
Rocky: Gee, someone woke up on the wrong side of the fountain today.  
  
  
  
(Outside the fountain)  
  
  
  
Rocky: Light bulb! Let's go to. where?  
  
Navi: Don't look at me, I'm not a flipping road map! I know, you can call Saria and she'll tell you.  
  
Rocky: (Plays Saria's song)  
  
?: Ro. I mean, Link, Can you hear me?  
  
Rocky: Loud and clear doll! Hey, this is just like a phone! Cool!  
  
?: Sure, what did you call for?  
  
Rocky: I want to know where the third stone is?  
  
?: (Yelling) you only ever call me if you want something! I thought maybe this time you would call to see how I was. but nooooooooo.  
  
Rocky: Sas? Can you tell me?  
  
?: Go to Gurudo valley and tell the gurudo girls that they have nice arses and they will give you the stone!  
  
Rocky: What's with you today?  
  
?: Nothing, I'm just the every other day Gin. Saria that I always am!  
  
Rocky: Okay then, I'll just go now. thanks!  
  
  
  
Kokiri Forest  
  
  
  
Gingette: (Puts down Saria's ocarina) Heh heh, that Rocky will fall for anything!  
  
(Ocarina starts ringing like a telephone)  
  
Gingette: Hey, speak to mey!  
  
Rocky: (Using a deeper voice) Excuse me, is this Miss. Gingette Morgan?  
  
Gingette: Yas, why?  
  
Rocky: I am pleased to inform you that you have won the 'prettiest hen in the word' completion.  
  
Gingette: Rally?  
  
Rocky: No, Gingette you cow, quit taking Gingers calls!  
  
Ginger: (In background) Gingette? What are you doing with my ocarina? Who's trying to contact me? It isn't Link is it? Give it back!  
  
(Crashing and screaming noises)  
  
Ginger: (Panting) L-Link, what do you want?  
  
Rocky: I knew it was Gingette! Can you tell me where the third stone is?  
  
Ginger: Go to Zora's fountain, and if I hear about you flirting with that Ruto you're going to get it!  
  
Rocky: I won't.  
  
Ginger: Okay, I'd better go  
  
Rocky: Awe, why can't we talk longer?  
  
Ginger: I'm busy.  
  
Rocky: Okay, well.  
  
Ginger: Yes?  
  
Rocky: . I miss ya, Saria  
  
Ginger: Awe, how sweet!  
  
(Ocarina lines hang up)  
  
Narrator: *Sniff* How sentimental!  
  
Ginny: I guess we don't have to kill her.  
  
Alice: Oh well. HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUNCH BREAK EVERYBODY!!!!!  
  
Everyone: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
End of chapter four 


	6. fifth scene

Scene 5  
  
  
  
Rocky as Link  
  
Ginger as Saria  
  
Navi  
  
Mac as Ruto  
  
Lord Jabu Jabu  
  
Evil owl  
  
Narrator  
  
A whole bunch 'o' Zora's  
  
Alice and Ginny, the directors  
  
(On top of death mountain)  
  
  
  
Rocky: So we have to go to Zora's fountain?  
  
Navi: That's what the fairy-girl said.  
  
Rocky: She's NOT a fairy-girl!  
  
Navi: Sure she is, just like you're a fairy-boy!  
  
Rocky: I am NOT I repeat NOT a fairy-boy, you...you...Insect!!  
  
Navi: Oh, I'm like, so not insulted.  
  
Narrator: Look, I can see this going on for a long time if I don't butt in...  
  
Evil owl: *Appearing outta nowhere* Hoo hooo! Here's OWLY!!!  
  
Rocky and Navi: *Run away screaming*  
  
Narrator: Gee, you need to work on your people skills.  
  
Evil owl: it got them moving though.  
  
(Ten minutes later rocky and Navi are standing in Hyrule field)  
  
Rocky: I hate that owl.  
  
Navi: Join the club... He's just CREEPY!  
  
Rocky: Yeah, so which way to Zora's fountain?  
  
Navi: Like I said, I ain't a road map!  
  
Rocky: *Sigh* I guess this means I havta talk to Saria again, right?  
  
Navi: You got it.  
  
(Rocky plays Saria's song, far away we can hear nick groovin' out)  
  
Ginger: Mido sod off! I don't want to go out with you!  
  
Rocky: Er... It's me, Link.  
  
Ginger: Wha? Oh, sorry. What is it then?  
  
Rocky: I was wondering how we get to Zora's fountain?  
  
Ginger: Oh it's simple, just go left from Kakariko Village.  
  
Rocky: (Looks around) but, there's only a river left of Kakariko village!  
  
Navi: Well the Zora's inhabit the water of Hyrule, so what'd you expect?  
  
Ginger: Exactly Navi, I gotta go now, Bye!  
  
*Ocarina hangs up or whatever*  
  
Rocky: I guess this isn't a good time to tell you that I hate water?  
  
Navi: Don't matter, you're going in either way pal!  
  
Narrator: And so link began the long trek to the Zora's domain...  
  
(Rocky walks along, suddenly an octo-thingy hops out the water!)  
  
Octo-thingy: Keekeee!! *spits rock at rocky*  
  
Rocky: *Runs away screaming*  
  
Navi: What a loser. Oh octo-thingy! *holds up a familiar looking wallet.* how many rupee's do ya want to leave us alone?  
  
Octo-thingy: Keecookee  
  
Navi: Really? That much?  
  
Rocky: *Walking back slowly* since when can you talk to octo- thingys?  
  
Navi: My mother was half octo-thingy. *Hands over a purple rupee to octo-thingy*  
  
Rocky: HEY! That's mine!  
  
Navi: Not anymore bub.  
  
Rocky: Remind me again why I don't just shove you in a bottle with a poe?  
  
Navi: Because I can electrocute you.  
  
(They keep walking until they reach the waterfall)  
  
Rocky: Neat. (Reading sign on ground) when the king sleeps so does this waterfall? I guess I better play that lullaby then?  
  
Navi: That would be the obvious solution.  
  
(Rocky takes out the ocarina, then Navi gets an evil look and pushes him into the water!)  
  
Rocky: AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Navi: *Evil grin* that was SO much fun!  
  
Rocky: *Climbing back up* Navi, why did you do that?  
  
Navi: because I can! In fact, I'll do it again! *Waves hands*  
  
(The ladder Rocky was climbing disappears)  
  
Rocky: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Sits up in the water, spits out fish)  
  
Rocky: I'll get you for that Navi!  
  
Narrator: Can you both just get inside already?  
  
(Rocky climbs back up and plays that damn lullaby)  
  
Narrator: As Link played the song the waterfall stopped, revealing a doorway, into the unknown world of the Zora's.  
  
(Dramatic music plays, close-up on Rocky, it looks like he's gonna say something really dramatic like all hero's do...)  
  
Rocky: I'm SO not impressed.  
  
Navi: Let's go Linky!  
  
Narrator: And so they entered.  
  
  
  
Zoras Domain  
  
  
  
(A peaceful waterfall trickles in the huge cave filled with water)  
  
Rocky: It's a bit...empty isn't it?  
  
Navi: You expected the Zoras to leap out dressed in drag and doing the hula?  
  
(Some Zora in drag go past behind them dancing the hula, one of them stops and walks over to them)  
  
Zora: Hey kid, what're you doing here?  
  
Rocky: GAAAAHH!!!! EVIL MUTANT FISH!!!!!!!!! *Grabs a stick and tries to hit the Zora with it. The Zora just holds him away with one hand* DIE MUTANT! DIE!!!!!!  
  
Navi: Ignore him.  
  
Zora: What the hell are you guys doing here anyway?  
  
Navi: *Glances at Rocky* looks like he's trying to kill you.  
  
Zora: Yeah, I meant why did you come here?  
  
Navi: We need to get your spiritual stone.  
  
Rocky: DIE EVIL MUTANT FISH DUDE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Navi: *Grabs rocky by the tunic* down boy. That's no mutant, it's a Zora.  
  
Rocky: Oh. Er... You're....wierd looking.  
  
Zora: WHAT?????  
  
Rocky: Well...er...Navi, help me out here?  
  
Zora: How dare you?!?!?!? So what if we don't rule the land like the Hylians???  
  
(Other Zoras are popping out of the water now)  
  
Zora2: And so what if we don't have cool gardian doohickys like the Koriki???  
  
Zora3: And so what if we're not accomplished thief's like the Gurudo???  
  
Zora4: And so what if we aren't mysterious like the Shieka?  
  
Navi: *Getting into it* and so what if you guys basically SUCK compared to the annoying but slightly cute Gorons? AND you smell of fish!  
  
*All Zora have turned red and have steam coming out of their ears*  
  
Zora1: Say that again.  
  
Navi: Well, they live on a cool volcano; you live in a cave with water. They have really cute little faces, you are... big mutated fish...  
  
Zoras: GRRRRRR!!!!! FOR THAT YOU MUST SIT THROUGH THE ZORA SONG!!!!  
  
Rocky: Why do I get the feeling this will hurt?  
  
Navi: *Gulp* we're dead.  
  
["Under The Sea" from "The Little Mermaid" starts up. All the Zoras don spicy Caribbean-style clothing and the Zora that Rocky and Navi just finished talking to grabs a microphone]  
  
Zora: AHA!  
  
The forest always looks greener  
  
If you're up above the shore  
  
But there's seaweed under water  
  
It's that hue green, and so much more!  
  
Just look at this big blank cave place!  
  
That looks like an outhouse floor!  
  
So what if it's not that interesting?  
  
Plus we've got that stone you're looking for!  
  
[They all start salsa dancing]  
  
Zoras:  
  
UNDER THE WATER!  
  
UNDER THE WATER!  
  
GO TELL YOUR COUSIN, GO TELL YOUR MOTHER, DON'T FORGET VATTER!  
  
Those Hylians, all they do is work!  
  
The Gorons ain't all that cool, you jerk!  
  
So just be smarty  
  
Have a Zora party  
  
Under the Water!  
  
[Big groovy dance scene, with Zoras throwing a big hat on Navi]  
  
Rocky: NO! NO! NO MORE SINGING!  
  
Navi: [muffled screaming]  
  
Rocky: WHAT?  
  
Navi: DISNEY'S GONNA SUE US!  
  
Rocky: [pulls out his empty wallet] ... Uh oh.  
  
Zora Group 1: Those Gorons on land ain't happy  
  
All they do is eat and roll  
  
Their leader is ultra sappy  
  
Zora 3: And you wanna talk about ROLLS?!  
  
Zora Group 2:  
  
So they eat rocks and dance much better?  
  
We don't care, we think we're great!  
  
Did they chase us in the water?  
  
Zora 4: Maybe it was a touch of fate.  
  
Zoras: NO WAY!  
  
UNDER THE WATER!  
  
UNDER THE WATER!  
  
WE'RE SAFE IN HERE FROM DISEASE AND BEER AND SOME EVIL PLOTTER!  
  
YEAH!  
  
The Kokiri are immature!  
  
Gerudo sweat smells just like manure!  
  
We are the cooliest  
  
Others are drooliest!  
  
Under the water!  
  
[Great explosion of spicy salsa sound]  
  
Rocky: NO, NO, STOP THE MUSIC!  
  
Navi: [On the phone with a lawyer] ...Yeah, we need to counter- sue Disney... hello? HELLO??? Did you hang up too?  
  
ROCKY, OUR LAWYERS WON'T ANSWER ME! *Pause* Aw screw them, this music is cool!  
  
[Navi jams along with the Zoras, singing back-up, Rocky is trying to shut them all up]  
  
All: YEAAAAH!  
  
UNDER THE WATER!  
  
UNDER THE WATER!  
  
THERE IN THE SUMMER, IT'S NOT A BUMMER, IT DON'T GET NO HOTTER!  
  
THE SHEIKAH HAVE ALL BUT DISAPPEARED!  
  
MOST FAIRIES CAN'T TALK, EAT, OR GROW BEARDS!  
  
SO WE REQUIRE  
  
YOU THINK OF US HIGHER!  
  
UNDER THE WATER!  
  
DON'T YOU IGNORA  
  
ALL US, THE PROUD ZORA!  
  
UNDER THE WATER!  
  
SCREW THOSE OTHER RACES!  
  
WE TAKE THE TOP PLACES!  
  
WE'VE GOT SPUNK AND MOXIE-GEN  
  
DON'T FORGET OXYGEN!  
  
DON'T BE A SQUATTER  
  
IT'S JUST SO MUCH HOTTER!  
  
UNDER THE WATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!  
  
[A big explosion of music and sound and dancing Zoras in salsa outfits]  
  
All: WE'RE FISH!  
  
Zora1: *Panting* whoa... So... What... Do...you... Think... Of.... Zoras... Now?  
  
Navi: Hmmmmmm, sorry, but the Gorons are still cooler! I mean, their leader isn't a gaint Frog, their leader ROCKS DA HOUSE!!!!  
  
Rocky: Navi, shut up before they start singing again.  
  
(Rocky grabs Navi, shoves her in his hat and runs to King Zora's throne)  
  
Rocky: Your magestical fish-dudeness! (bows deeply)  
  
Navi: Since when do you respect royalty? You didn't bow to Zelda!  
  
Rocky: *Whispering* shut up Navi, this guy's huge!  
  
King Zora: Hello. Have you found Ruto?  
  
Rocky: What's a Ruto?  
  
King Zora: *Begins crying* MY PRINCESS!!!!!!! WERE CAN LITTLE RUTO BE???!!!  
  
Rocky: Okay okay, don't cry slime everywere, where did ya see this princess last?  
  
King Zora: I think she was at lake Hylia.  
  
Narrator: And Link ran to lake Hylia to search for Ruto.  
  
(Navi is sitting on the edge of the water, she appears to be looking for someone)  
  
Navi: He's been down there an awful long time...  
  
(Rocky suddenly surfaces with a fish in his mouth)  
  
Rocky: *Muffled cause of fish* shee Navi? I stold you I scould catch a sfish swith my teesh!  
  
Navi: Congratulations.  
  
(Rocky puts the fish in a bottle)  
  
Navi: Why on earth are you keeping it?  
  
Rocky: Ya never know when you're gonna need a fish next. *pause* Oh, and I found another bottle down there!  
  
Navi: Hey, it's got something in it!  
  
(They pull out the note and read it)  
  
Navi: (Reading) Dear whoever finds this note, HELP ME! That giant fish-god we worship has swallowed me!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T HELP ME I'LL HAVE A HISSY FIT!!!!!! Love, princess Ruto ^_^ p.s. Don't tell my fat-ass father!  
  
Rocky: Sounds like a seven-year old, damn!  
  
Navi: Why, because if she was older you'd ask her out?  
  
Rocky: ummmmmm, maybe? Nah. Spoken for.  
  
Narrator: *Evil voice* he lies.  
  
Rocky: Just narrate or whatever it is you do before something bad happens.  
  
Narrator: very well. Link swam back to Zora's domain and took the letter to King Zora...  
  
Navi: Are you going to bow to him again?  
  
Rocky: Navi, the guy could eat me if he felt like it.  
  
(They enter the king's throne room)  
  
Rocky: Your royal fish-kingliness, I've found a letter from your daughter!  
  
King Zora: *Reads letter* But... This cannot be true! Lord Jabu- Jabu would never harm our princess, it's her duty to feed him!  
  
Rocky: Maybe he didn't like her cooking?  
  
King Zora: If this is true then... You! Link, messenger of the royal family, go save my princess!  
  
Rocky: Hold up a second, I'm just a messenger, going inside gaint fish-gods is NOT in my job description!  
  
King Zora: I'll just move out the way...  
  
(He begins to move, a process which will take about 10000 years.)  
  
*10000 years later....*  
  
King Zora: Phew, there you go, now go save the princess!  
  
Rocky: *Asleep*  
  
Navi: Hold on just one sec. *zaps rocky*  
  
Rocky: JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Shoots about five hundred feet into the air*  
  
King Zora: Now you, link, can go save my daughter from lord Jabu- jabu. Go Link, messenger of the royal family!  
  
Rocky: *Sigh* let me guess, this is gonna hurt?  
  
Navi: More than likely.  
  
(And so they enter Jabu Jabu's fountin)  
  
  
  
Rocky: EWWW!! What's that smell? Navi was that you?!  
  
Navi: NO! That's the fish you moron!  
  
(Rocky starts wandering around the fish)  
  
Rocky: How exactly are we supposed to get in?  
  
Navi: Well the girl who's supposed to feed him has been missing, I bet he's really hungry.  
  
Rocky: So should I feed him the fish?  
  
Navi: Actually I thought you could fry yourself...  
  
Rocky: *Wierd look* Navi, are you by any chance a defective guardian fairy?  
  
(He walks over to the fish's mouth and opens the bottle with a fish in.)  
  
Jabu-Jabu: WOAAAAAARRRR!!!!! *sucking noise*  
  
Rocky: (Desperately hanging on to the ground as he's almost sucked in) NAVI! DID YOU KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN??????  
  
Navi: (Flying against the wind) NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
  
(Suddenly the camra crew go flying past)  
  
Narrator: Someone stop the fish or we're all dead!!!!!  
  
Alice: Ginny, stop the fish!  
  
Ginny: What makes you think I know how to stop it???  
  
*Everyone gets sucked into lord jabu-jabu*  
  
Rocky: Oww.... Is everyone okay?  
  
Narrator: I think I'm sitting in a pool of spit, but otherwise I'm fine.  
  
Rocky: I meant people who I might worry about, not you.  
  
Ginny: ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!! OCTO-THINGY!!!!!!!  
  
Alice: HELP!!!!!!!!  
  
(Both girls are being attacked by octo-thingy's)  
  
Rocky: *Pulls out sword and saves their butts* Phew, you girls okay?  
  
Ginny: I...I...think I'll be okay...  
  
Alice: Me scared? What are you talking about?  
  
Rocky: Good, wouldn't want you two getting hurt...  
  
*Ginny and Alice suddenly faint at the IDEA that he likes them*  
  
Rocky: ...Because you two are paying me for this.  
  
*Alice and Ginny get up and look miserable*  
  
Narrator: Anyway, the first monster Link met was a bubble-demon.  
  
Rocky: Can I just point out that this is a bubble? It's hardly a challenge for a great warrior like m- (bubble floats over and electrocutes him)  
  
Rocky: SON OF A B-(Ginny claps hand over his mouth)  
  
Ginny: you can't say that, this is PG rated.  
  
Rocky: oh sh... Shizzle.  
  
Narrator: After facing more bubble demons and some electrocuting eels he came across a room in which there was.... PRINCESS RUTO!!!!  
  
Rocky: Yes! Bring on the princess! (Starts trying to get rid of bloodstains in tunic) Navi, do ya think she's pretty?  
  
  
  
Navi: She's a zora, she'll look like a fish, eat like a fish, sweat like a fish...  
  
Narrator: And don't forget the smell!  
  
Ginny: And everyone knows that kissing a Zora is like kissing a squid.  
  
Rocky: You know what, you guys could make Christmas sound awful if you put your heads together.  
  
Navi: Thank you.  
  
Narrator: Anyway, Enter, princess Ruto!  
  
Mac: Hello.  
  
Rocky: You don't look like those other Zoras.  
  
Mac: Aye.  
  
Rocky: What did you just say?  
  
Mac: Ach laddie! Cannea you understand anythin?  
  
Rocky: Er... I'm gonna need a translator over here!  
  
Navi: Oh for the love of pete! She said can't you understand anything?  
  
Narrator: Just get on with your lines!  
  
Mac: Okay. What are ya doin here? Ma father sent ya right? Well go back and tell him I don't need to be rescued! Ah just need ta find ma treasure...!  
  
*Navi translates*  
  
Rocky: I really don't think that's a good idea, what with the electric eels and things...  
  
Mac: Ah dunnea care, ah can look after meself! *Walks off and falls down a yuck-hole* ARRRGGGGGHHHH!  
  
Rocky: Something tells me she does need help.  
  
*Jumps down after her*  
  
Mac: You again! Ah told ya a dunnea need ya help!  
  
*Navi translates*  
  
Rocky: Look princess, there's nothing I'd like better than to go home, but I can't, because this fairy and a princess and a load of other guys are forcing me to save the whole flipping world! So kindly shut your mouth and come with me!  
  
*Shocked pause*  
  
Mac: Okay then. But ah'm not leaving without my treasure! So while we search for it ya can have the hounour of carring me.  
  
*Navi translates*  
  
Rocky: CARRY YOU???? You have got to be kiddin!  
  
Mac: Ah never kid. Zora's don't have great senses of humor.  
  
Narrator: And so Link travelled around Lord jabu-jabu, beat some giant horrible eels, got a cool boomerang and finally found a room with Ruto's jewel in.  
  
Mac: Throw me onto the platform, then ah can get the Zora's sapphire get outta here!  
  
*Navi translates*  
  
Rocky: No way! I want that jewel!  
  
*Massive fight as they both try and get it suddenly Rocky is thrown to one side and the platform goes up*  
  
Mac: Ach! What's happening? What's this? An OCTOPUS!!???!! HELP!!!!  
  
(The platform goes down)  
  
Rocky: Oh my god....  
  
Navi: That's one big kalamari!  
  
Rocky: It's times like these I wish I had a huge rocket- launcher!  
  
BOSS: ELECTRICAL OCTOPUS, ZORAK!!!!  
  
(If that's not it's real name then I made it up k?)  
  
Navi: Get your boomarang out! Quickly!!!!!!! *Hides in his hat*  
  
Rocky: Okay, NOW WHAT?????!!!!  
  
Navi: *Inside hat* I dunno! Improvise!  
  
Rocky: Oh thanks for the help!  
  
(Rocky dodges the octopus)  
  
Rocky: Hey! This thing's electrical right?  
  
Navi: Duh!  
  
Rocky: Then what happens if I do this? *Pulls plug outta wall*  
  
(Octopus screams and dies, leaving blue blood everywhere)  
  
Rocky: Aw man, I just got this tunic cleaned!  
  
Navi: *Is doing happy little fairy dance* Yay! You won for a change! Now, where's that little princess brat?  
  
Mac: *Appears out of nowhere* Hi! Well doone Link. Now let's get outta here!  
  
(They both walk into that transporty-thingy)  
  
Narrator: Link suddnely found himself standing outside on a log, a few seconds later Princess Ruto appeared beside him.  
  
Mac: *Giggle* Thank ya fer savin me, anything ah can do fer you? *giggle* how aboot a kiss?  
  
*Navi translates*  
  
Rocky: Uhh.... Won't Ginger kill you for that?  
  
Ginger: Damn right I will!!!  
  
Mac: *Wacks him over the head* No ya dufus! Ah'm acting!  
  
*Navi translates*  
  
Rocky: Oh, right. In that case I'd rather have the spiritual stone of water.  
  
Mac: *giggle* Okay, but you do know that the stone is the engagment stone of the Zora royal family?  
  
*Navi translates, but leaves out the part about engagement*  
  
Rocky: Great, gimmie the stone!  
  
Mac: YASIES! *Give him the stone and dances off to arrange her wedding*  
  
Rocky: What's she so happy about?  
  
Navi: *Looks at him for a second* HAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE ENGAGED TO A FISH-GIRL!!! FISH- GIRL AND FAIRY-BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rocky: You WHAT?????? Navi, you better start flying.  
  
Navi: Why?  
  
Rocky: Because when I catch you I'm going to rip your little wings off and grind you into fairy dust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: And with the three stones collected Link headed back to Hyrule.....  
  
  
  
End of scene 5 


	7. sixth scene

Rocky as Link  
  
Ginger as Zelda and Malon  
  
Navi as Navi  
  
Santa Claus as Rauru, the sage of Light  
  
Bullseye as Mrs. Tweedy's horse  
  
Mr. Tweedy  
  
Narrator  
  
Gingette as Sheilk  
  
Our two directors, Ginny and Alice, having a huge hissy fit.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Scene 6  
  
  
  
  
  
Hyrule field  
  
Narrator: Okay guys. Disney refused to lend us a couple of staff, because since Simba attacked Fowler it has been a full on war between Aardman and Disney. So we went for the next best thing. Pixar have been nice enough to lend us a sound affects guy and some more actors from Toy Story. We didn't have a horse for Mrs Tweedy so we have to use. Bullseye.  
  
Rocky: Are you insane? She'd crush that rag doll!  
  
(Bullseye comes behind him and plucks out one of his tail feathers, then starts impersonating him.)  
  
Rocky: Yowch! Hey, I DO NOT WEAR EYE SHADOW!  
  
(Whole cast are cracking up laughing. Rocky grabs tail feather and shoves it back in where it came from)  
  
Narrator: Okay Rocky, (Leading him around the crew backstage) Mrs Tweedy is still kinda peeved with you from last time so now that we have her in the safely of a straight jacket she is going to meet you through a bulletproof glass. Kepish?  
  
Rocky: Oh no.  
  
Narrator: And just to make the experience more fun, Ginger's coming along too!  
  
(Behind the bullet proof glass)  
  
Narrator: Okay guys, let her in!  
  
Mrs Tweedy: AGRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ginger: Good grief!  
  
Mrs Tweedy: I am the mystical Gannondorf! Hear my voice and tremble!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Starts dancing around like a freak, throwing confetti, soon Nick joints in and does the Goron spastic dance of joy)  
  
Rocky and Ginger: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! (Cower in the corner)  
  
Narrator: C'mon guys, she's not gonna hurt yo. (Mrs Tweedy smashes through the glass and grabs his throat)  
  
Narrator: Gahhhaaaaagggahh! H-help. Help me!!!!!!!  
  
Rocky: Mmm, in a minute.  
  
Narrator: HEEEELLPPP!  
  
(Stage crew comes running off and tranquillisers Mrs Tweedy)  
  
Mrs Tweedy: (Now giggling like a schoolgirl turns to Nick) you dance divinely! Will you be my husband?  
  
Nick: There is no God!  
  
Mr Tweedy: Luv? You can't.  
  
Narrator: She can't hear you at the moment, she can only ramble on.  
  
Mr Tweedy: Oh.  
  
Narrator: (Clearing throat) now, lets get this thing going shall we? Ehem, After the long and wet battle with Lord Jabu Jabu, Link and Navi had finally collect all three spiritual stone and made there way back to Hyrule castle to see princess Zelda.  
  
Rocky: (Cursing and muttering under his breath) engaging me to a half fish! You can't do that! Gi. I mean, Zelda will kill me!  
  
Navi: He he. too right!  
  
Rocky: (Squinting) Hey, is it just me or is it getting really dark and foggy?  
  
Navi: Hey, is something wrong with the lighting?  
  
Narrator: It's in the script.  
  
(Drawbridge is lowered; Ginger and Bunty come galloping on a white horse.)  
  
Rocky: Hey Zelda! Where are you going? On vacation? Where to? Hawaii?  
  
(Ginger throws ocarina and its lands in the moat. N/A: A prissy little eight-year-old princess can so NOT throw that far!!! She's almost up to Lon Lon ranch for god's sake!!!!!!!! Hey, but we all know that Ginger can, right?)  
  
Rocky: HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!!! I HAVE THOSE STONES YOU WANTED!!!!!!!!  
  
Navi: Shut up you fool! Some one will hear us!  
  
Rocky: Like who?  
  
Navi: Like that BIG, EVIL Gerudo King on a BIG, BLACK horse behind you!  
  
Mrs Tweedy: (Under hypnosis and almost crushing poor Bullseye who has been painted with black paint) You, little kid, did you see where they went? The princess and that brown horse, did you see where they went?  
  
Rocky: Actually, it was a white horse. oooppps! I mean. no I haven't seen them anywhere.  
  
Mrs Tweedy: ANSWER ME TRUTHFULLY! WHERE DID THEY GO!!!  
  
(Rocky draws out sword and puny shield)  
  
Mrs Tweedy: Ha ha ha! You think you can stop the Great Gannondorf with that little toothpick and piece of rotten bark? Think again!  
  
(She uses a spell on him and then rides off, Rocky glares at her)  
  
Rocky: I would have beaten her if you had gotten me that Hylian Shield for Christmas Navi!  
  
Navi: Sure you would have, hey go and get that thing Zelda threw in the water!  
  
Rocky: (Emerges with Ocarina of Time) Awe man, its another ocarina. I already have one!  
  
(Navi and entire crew gasp)  
  
Navi: Link! That is the legendary Ocarina of time!  
  
Rocky: Wha?  
  
Navi: Don't drop it, do even breathe on it. just. hand it over.  
  
Rocky: Hey, it's only important and so special cause it in the title of the freak'n game, hey. I wonder if I'll break like the others.  
  
(Navi and all of her other forest spirit friends faint with shock as Rocky jumps up and down on it, bashes it with a hammer, lights it on fire and slashes it with his sword. Still the ocarina remains intact and gleaming silver blue light)  
  
Rocky: Oh well, it must be magic. Hey why has everyone passed out?  
  
In the Temple of time  
  
Ginger: Link, this is Zelda, can you hear me?  
  
Rocky: Zelda! Hang on, how can you be on a horse and in this temple?  
  
Ginger: It's too complicated to explain. You must learn this legendary song of time to enter the realm.  
  
(Rocky is now trying to push the door aside by himself, plainly not listening to a word Zelda is saying)  
  
Ginger: Link! Get your butt back here and listen to the song!  
  
(Rocky learns the song easily, the door opens.)  
  
Mrs. Tweedy: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Thank you, now I will gain the triforce!)  
  
Navi: Oh no Link, Gannondorf has the sacred triforce!  
  
(Rocky and Mrs. Tweedy are in the middle of the stone step; both of them have a corner of the triangle and are having a tug of war)  
  
Mrs. Tweedy: Give it here you little fiend! It's mine!  
  
Rocky: *pant* no way! *gasp* you wanna know how much money this'll fetch on ebay?  
  
(Mrs Tweedy uses a spell on him and fly away into wherever Gannondorf hides out.)  
  
Ginger: Link! Pull the legendary sword of time of out the stone!  
  
(She vanishes, Rocky strides up the steps and gets ready to pull the sword out, he grabs the handle and pulls as if it's attached with super glue)  
  
Rocky: Ow! My head!  
  
Narrator: *tut tut* you should've known by now that we on a very tight budget. It's only polystyrene painted grey.  
  
(The room is spinning very fast. then it slows down)  
  
Rocky: Whoa, have I got concussion or did the room do a huge spiny thing.  
  
Navi: Ouch! I've got pins and needles in my wings!  
  
Narrator: Rocky was then suddenly whisked away to the sacred realm. The legendary Rauru, the sage of light, greeted him and got ready to tell Link the tale.  
  
Alice: Okay Ginny, bring him in.  
  
Ginny: Ladies and Gentleman, I give you. SANTA CLAUS!!!  
  
SC: HO HO HO! Who's been naughty and nice this year.?  
  
Narrator: Ehem! Excuse me sir, but your acting now.  
  
SC: Mr. Narrator, you've been a very good boy this year, here, have a candy cane!  
  
Narrator: Gee, thanks!  
  
Ginger: Excuse me Mr. Claus, can we please get on with this?  
  
Rocky: Yeah, what she said.  
  
SC: Let's see here. Oh my! (Eyes go all wide) You two have been very naughty! No presents for you! My studies confirm the biggest bad act you two committed TOGETHER was in that hotel room three moths ago in New York. it also says here that.  
  
Rocky: Shut up!  
  
Ginger: (Going very red) How did you know about that? Were you watching in the window?  
  
SC: (Going all defensive) I deny everything!  
  
Ginger: You pervert!!!!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: Santa, no matter how nice you are giving me this candy cane, I must insist that we continue!  
  
SC: No problem, ehem. HO HO HO. Link, my name is Rauru, don't be surprised, but you've grown Link! Look!  
  
(Rocky looks down, to find.)  
  
Rocky: Hey! There's no difference! My costume is just different. although. (Flexes muscles) maybe my biceps have grown bigger!  
  
(Alice and Ginny faint)  
  
Ginger: I see no difference!  
  
Rocky: You wouldn't!  
  
Ginger: Yank!  
  
Rocky: Snob!  
  
Narrator: Cut it out!  
  
Ginger: Fine! (Goes all pouty) But I am so NOT talking to him!  
  
Narrator: Fine. Hey, someone wake up out directors! Hey seem to have fainted with lust! (Alice is snoring and Ginny is mumbling things like, 'Oh Rocky, your too kind. Come on, you flatter me. Oh Rocky, I so glad your dumping Ginger and Alice for me. etc (sorri Gin! ^_-) Alice now wakes up.)  
  
Alice: Ginny!  
  
Ginny: Wha?  
  
Alice: WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?  
  
Ginny: Huh, I can't remember! Honest!  
  
Alice: Oh but I do! Until you can decide what more important, him, (gestures to our favourite American rooster) or me, forgot this story!  
  
Ginny: What's the difference! I always have them in before you anyway!  
  
Alice: Mine have better content!  
  
Ginny: Mine are funnier!  
  
Alice: Forget you!  
  
Narrator: Hey, what's going on? Everyone's mad at each other!  
  
(Screen goes black)  
  
*2 weeks later* Alice: WELL!  
  
Ginny: Well what?  
  
Alice: Aren't you going to apologise?  
  
Ginny: What's there to apologise for?  
  
Alice: Forget it then.  
  
Ginny: If I apologised, then would you get on with this chapter?  
  
Alice: Yes.  
  
Ginny: Sorry.  
  
Alice: S'okay. Its just Rocky after all. hey, where is he?  
  
Rocky: You're not a snob you know.  
  
Ginger: And you're not a. well, technically you are a yank but. well, next time I'll just have to find a different insult for you.  
  
Rocky: Come here baby.  
  
Alice: While those two are busy, let me think. *rubs hand together* okay Ginny, let's get this going! Narrator?  
  
Narrator: (Still sucking on that candy cane) yo?  
  
Ginny: Ready?  
  
Narrator: No time like the present!  
  
Alice: OOOkay! Show me your stuff!  
  
Narrator: As Rauru explained in great detail what Link had to do, the world of Hyrule was becoming more and more evil by the second! SC: Ho ho ho, so Link, do you understand what your destiny is?  
  
Rocky: I guess.  
  
SC: Good! Now get out of my house!  
  
(Link finds himself by the stone of time, he walks away, then Sheilk, i.e. Gingette appears. Rocky draws out sword)  
  
Gingette: Time passes friends change, an every lasting road of mystery.  
  
Rocky: Waa?  
  
Gingette: One of your very important friends is trapped by the horrors of a temple. Before you can save her, you must go to Kakiriko village to find a special item.  
  
Rocky: Who are you?  
  
Gingette: I am Sheilk, one of the last remaining Shiekans.  
  
Rocky: I mean, who ARE you?  
  
Gingette: Cocky flyboy! It's me, Gingette!  
  
Rocky: Ohhh, so you' re getting paid this time?  
  
Gingette: Yeah.  
  
Rocky: Well. gotta go.  
  
  
  
(Out side the temple of time)  
  
Rocky: Hey, why is it all dark?  
  
Navi: Dunno. Do you think we should believe what Sheilk said?  
  
Rocky: I've been taught by Ginger not to trust Gingette with something as important as my life. hey, why do we ask that guy over there, you know, the one with hollow eyes and rotting flesh.  
  
(Walks over)  
  
Rocky: Excuse me good sir, but could you possibly tell me if.  
  
(Zombie starts choking him)  
  
Rocky: AAACH! HE-HELP!!!  
  
Navi: Umm. err. what do I do.  
  
(Sheilk appears and kills Zombie.)  
  
Rocky: (Massaging his throat) Thanks Sheilk.  
  
Gingette: No problemo.  
  
(She disappears; they walk out of the Town Square and into the field.)  
  
Rocky: Damn! The drawbridge is broken! My feet are all wet!  
  
Navi: Damn again. I don't care what Sheilk said, it's creepy. Hey, why don't we go the Lon Lon ranch? They'll know what to do!  
  
Narrator: So Rocky and Navi made their way over to Lon Lon ranch, their minds more clouded with questions then the fog that surround the rich vast land.  
  
Rocky: Mr. Narrator has gone all poetic on us again.  
  
Narrator: Ehem! Rocky walked through only to find many things had changed.  
  
Rocky: (Yawning) Navi, d'ya think it's time for (yawn) another break?  
  
Navi: (Curled up in Rocky's hat.) Zzzzz.  
  
Narrator: But but but!!! Oh well. just sleep.  
  
  
  
*Night time*  
  
  
  
Narrator: Rocky woke up after a peaceful rest, only to hear the heavenly voice of Malon singing.  
  
Rocky: Oh curses! It's that damned song again! Has any one got any earplugs?  
  
Narrator: Rocky walked to the middle of the ranch to find Malon singing.  
  
Rocky: Hi Malon. You look sad.  
  
Ginger: You would be sad if you were being forced to work all day by that terrible Ingo. My dad was fired. I don't know where he is.  
  
Rocky: (Suddenly brightening up) Fowler was fired? This I gotta see!  
  
Ginger: Mr. Ingo is so mean! He is hurting all the horses! What ever shall I do?  
  
Rocky: Leave it to me!  
  
Ginger: My hero! (Under breath) in your dreams.  
  
  
  
*Day time*  
  
  
  
Narrator: Rocky went to the paddock to find Ingo to teach him a lesson.  
  
Rocky: (Balling up fists) lets go kick some arse Navi!  
  
Navi: (Holding a huge club in his invisible hands, so big that it dragging on the ground) Yeah. *pant* kick. arse.  
  
Narrator: Rocky walked up to Ingo.  
  
Rocky: Listen mate! Malon tells me you've been abusing the horses and being an evil character! Do you know what I do to evil characters?  
  
Oliver: What? I can give you a tour if you want, but I can reassure you that I take perfect care of them! I'm so worried that Talon is in trouble but I can't leave the ranch!  
  
Rocky: A likely story.  
  
(He goes over to the enclosure, and opens the gate.)  
  
Rocky: Be free o'mighty stallions! I, the great Link have taken off the shackles of your miserable lives! Gallop free is the cannons of Gerudo Valley! Romp though the grassy plains of Hyrule field! Freedom, glorious freedom! Do you feel it?!!!!!  
  
(Not one horse takes notice of the gate being open. They continue running around)  
  
Oliver: See? I take good care of them! They LIKE it here!  
  
(Rocky grabs Oliver and pushes him into the enclosure)  
  
Rocky: Here you poor slave driven horses! Attack the mangy scoundrel that has caused you all these years of pain!  
  
(Hardly any horses bother to look at him, but a couple walk over to Oliver and begin licking his hand and nuzzling him.)  
  
Rocky: Err. um.  
  
Oliver: Are you convinced yet?  
  
Rocky: No!!! I will not rest until a flaw is seen in this ranch! Besides. it's in the script.  
  
Oliver: Well, there is one thing. See that reddish horse over there?  
  
Rocky: A fine stallion indeed! But what does it.  
  
Narrator: Rocky, for god's sake, cut the heroic talk out!  
  
Rocky: Whatever. What about the stinking horse?  
  
Oliver: Her name is Epona. She's extremely wild and she hates being here. She'll never come to me. Do you want to take care of her?  
  
Rocky: Not without a challenge! I am a hero! Do you think I'm used to everything being easy?  
  
Oliver: (Sigh) Fine. Why don't you go and see if she likes you?  
  
(Rocky plays Epona's song and she trots over, neighing happily.)  
  
Oliver: Wow! She likes you! Let's see if you can ride her?  
  
(Rocky climbs on)  
  
Oliver: Just take it easy now.  
  
(Rocky slaps the horse's rear end and it goes insane. Rocky's not having much trouble, quite good at it actually)  
  
Rocky: Hey, this is fun!!!  
  
(Oliver is white)  
  
Oliver: Okay, ready?  
  
Narrator: So Ingo and link raced at breakneck speed, until Link finally took over, the power and wildness coming out in his horses nature. Link went over the line a second before Ingo, winning the race!  
  
Rocky: Heeeyaa! I won! I get the horse!  
  
Oliver: (Smiling) well done.  
  
(Whole set is silent)  
  
Rocky: Uh. your suppose to close the gates so I can't escape.  
  
Oliver: Why on earth would I do that? Just go out the main gate.  
  
Rocky: No ranch or evil prison can hold my mighty stallion and me!  
  
(He goes to jump over the back fence, Epona halts and he goes flying over instead. Epona trots her way down the nice comfortable main exit and walks over to the field where Rocky lies.)  
  
Rocky: Urrggghh. what was that for?  
  
Navi: No time for chit-chat with horsy, ride the mangy animal over to Kakiriko village!  
  
(Epona try's the eat her)  
  
Navi: Hey, cut it out you dumb horse! Link, just get on!  
  
(Rocky jumps on and all three are seen riding off into the sunset.)  
  
  
  
Narrator: Cut! Lunch break!  
  
Ginger: Well that was a nice ending!  
  
Rocky: (Rubbing his head) took long enough!  
  
Alice: Hey, it isn't my fault I was in the middle of a writer's breakdown!  
  
Rocky: Sure it is!  
  
Alice: Be quiet you cocky flyboy! Don't make me sick Epona on you!  
  
  
  
End of Scene Six 


End file.
